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How to repair a Melania Trump sized mistake in four simple steps

Did you make a Melania Trump sized mistake?

Melania Trump. Oh boy.

If you are like me, you may have gasped in disbelief after it was revealed that Melania Trump plagiarized Michelle Obama in her speech, when she introduced her husband Donald Trump at the Republican National Convention.

If you’re not aware of what happened, to catch you up, Melania repurposed word-for-word phrases from Michelle Obama’s speech from the Democratic convention eight years earlier. Oops! Guess she thought no one would remember?

(Later a Trump staffer, who penned the speech for Melania, admitted to using Mrs. Obama’s phrasing inadvertently.)

Can we even call it a “faux pas”? It was more of a dino sized “doo-doo”. A massive and embarrassing mistake.

While most of us will never make a mistake of this magnitude — one that’s performed in front of the world — we all have made mistakes that have resulted in big mess ups. If you have a pulse and an opposable thumb (aka you’re human) then at sometime in your life this will happen.

You may even be in a bind right now over a mistake you have made recently.Not to worry. If you read the steps below, it’ll get you out of hot water, I promise.

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I am going to use Melania’s big mess up as an example of how she – or at least the Trump camp – could use the four no BS mess fixers to fix a mistake and make it right so it gets resolve and forgotten quickly.

If you stick to the four step process below, you will always come out unscathed, victorious with your integrity intact. And you’ll be able to easily repair any relationships you’ve imimpacted. Life will quickly resume life as usual or will be better than it was before.

How to redeem yourself when you mess up big time like Melania Trump did

I’ll be using Melania’s mess up as an example to walk through the thinking process you can go through to fix any mistake.

Step 1: Turn a Melania Trump sized mistake into an opportunity by looking for “what’s missing”

Know this: A mistake is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and to fix something that isn’t working.

Remembering this when you make a big mistake will keep you from plunging into a total mental breakdown. It’s a way to maintain your personal power.

So look for the opportunity. Consider what didn’t work – I call it the “what’s missing” factor – that led to you making the mistake.

In Melania’s case: She needs to look at what led to her mistake and review how it happened. Look for the source of the errorDid she not have time to write a good speech so she borrowed from Michelle Obama? In that case her time management is the breakdown and she needs to implement a new structure to fix it. Or maybe it’s that she doesn’t know about plagiarism and other basic business processes? If it’s ignorance she should work on becoming more detail oriented or business savvy, especially since her husband is running for President of the United States.

Step 2: Identify ALL the impacts of the mistake

Ask yourself: What are the impacts of my actions?

In other words, what further breakdowns or upsets were caused by your actions.

And who was impacted.

This may include asking people involved what the impact is for them. Most of the time you get the impact on you and guess at what the impacts are for other people but it’s possible you’ll miss something. So ask the people involved how they feel. Find out what they now think of you.

You need to know what’s broken to fix it. Missing even just one impact can create lasting resentment.

In Melania’s case: Here are a few impacts that resulted from her actions. (You may see others).

The world sees her as a complete idiot – a personal impact.
Her husband looks like a complete idiot for letting her make this mistake.
Her husband is seen as incompetent potential president.
Trump could lose supporters.
Trump could lose the election.
The entire Trump family is embarrassed and it could potentially affect their credibility, careers or businesses.
Michelle Obama may feel ripped off.
The Republican Party may be embarrassed, especially those that have gone to bat for Trump.
She ruined a moment that could have raised the profile of the Trump camp and the Republican Party.

Step 3: Create a structure to repair the impacts of the mess up

“I’m sorry” is never an effective way to repair broken trust with other people.

The only time “sorry” is effective is when you’ve done something small or insignificant. “Oh, sorry I stepped on your toe” for example is an okay use of the phrase.

However, if you cheat on your partner, then saying “I’m sorry” will never work.

In Melania’s case: She needs to take action to repair what’s broken. She should:Publicly address the nation about the issue, take full responsibility, and explain how and why it happened. She needs to share the cause of the breakdown (identified in Step 1) and then share her structure so people can restore their trust in her, and her husband.

Whatever structure she implements needs to be designed to ensure this mess up doesn’t happen again. It could be a structure of working with a new speech writer, of checking her own work. Maybe she could use plagiarism detection software to ensure nothing is ever reused without attribution in future speeches. She could even choose to never speak publicly ever again.

Whatever structures she chooses to use, it needs to be a structure that satisfies all the parties involved and fills the holes left by all the impacts. In Melania’s case, she needs to repair the impact she’s left on her husband, her family, the Trump team, the Republican Party and even the nation.

Step 4: Follow through on your promises

If you’ve messed up and made up and shared a new structure with others involved then you need to: Do what you said you were going to do.

Consistent actions and time will repair what’s broken or make things better. Honor your word.

Anytime you go to say “I’m sorry” think of this structure and remember it. It’s the best way to restore other people’s trust in you. This will allow you to get ahead in life. You will be someone who is accountable. Someone who makes opportunities come out of bad situations. It’s what real leaders do.

What do you think of the formula?

Use the formula in your life today and let me know what you think. Post in the comments below this post or shout out to me on social media. I love hearing from you.

DOWNLOAD MY CHEAT SHEET ON HOW TO REPAIR A MELANIA TRUMP SIZED MISTAKE

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How your brain tricks you into bad financial habits

If you have bad financial habits — say, rash overspending, anxiety around money or avoiding dealing with money — you can blame it, in part, on the grey goo between your ears. Blame your brain.

But only in part.

You see, your brain is a very complex information processing system and its primary job is to keep you alive. It does this by making snap decisions about your environment. But it also can reinforce unwanted or damaging bad financial habits.

When you encounter any stimulus as you interact with your world, your body sends signals to your brain, then a message comes back to your body within milliseconds. It’s a feedback loop that allows you to interpret what you’re experiencing and respond to it fast.

The brain always decides how your body should respond to your environment by using a specific metric: Safe or unsafe? In other words, the brain unconsciously asks: “Is this good or bad for me?”

Then, you react. And in this way, your brain is always moving you towards actions that produce a pleasurable response and away from pain. Bad financial habits, however can result.

This physical response happens fast and first, before you’re able to consciously think about what to do. This is why when you encounter a snake, for instance, that slithers across the trail while hiking in a jungle, you jump and shriek, before you understand it was a snake.

But, although you have these autopilot reactions, you’re not off the hook for not being responsible with your money. (Sorry!)

All humans have a neocortex – the part of the brain that is responsible for consciousness and reasoning. It’s what allows you to override your physical desires and do something else. For instance, if you wake up and feel like lying around at home eating ice cream and watching TV, you still choose to go to work and eat salad for lunch.

So, at all times we have these two areas of the brain working against each other. The reptilian, ancient part of the brain we’ve inherited from our lizard ancestors. And the neocortex, which makes us the most intelligent species on the planet.

One triggers knee-jerk reactions to our sometimes dangerous world; the neocortex engages to provide a reasoning process, to helps us make smart, sensible and conscious choices.

Whether you’re making a money choice or a choice about what to eat for dinner, you have to deal with the same negotiations between your reptilian brain and your neo-cortex-equipped conscious self.

The important thing to understand is that a physical response always comes before conscious choice. And sometimes the physical urge is a hard one to fight.

And this is true in the case of your finances and how you relate to them.

Here are four of the most common triggers where people’s brains can cause bad financial habits and some suggested fixes:

1. Incompetence in dealing proactively with negative emotions.

Everyone has times where they get fuming angry or sad about challenges in life. The body undergoes a physiological response during these emotional states.

Some people are better than others at dealing with these intense negative emotions. These are the people who get upset and then go on shopping sprees, or get angry and then go to the casino to gamble on an adrenaline rush.

Here is the fix:

Dealing with negative emotional states is a learned skill. Anyone can train and develop themselves to be better at handling tough emotions. If this is you it’s something to take on!

2. Past experiences program unconscious responses into your nervous system

If you have bad financial habits you want to shift, it’s a good idea to do some work to think about your relationship to money. What you learned about money in the early years of your life from the people you spent the most time with gets cemented into you, often without your knowledge.

If your parents lived paycheck to paycheck when you grew up, as an adult you may have trouble managing money. Holding onto it may make you feel safe. And you will likely do this without noticing you have this habit.

Conversely, if you grew up in a household where you never had what you wanted, you may spend money as an adult on what you want regardless of if you need it. You’ll do it to prove you can.

Here is the fix:

Asking yourself some questions about your relationship to money can help you uncover why you have certain habits. Knowing will give you power because you’ll start to notice your behaviors more than you used to. This will allow you to make better choices.

3. People want to be liked and accepted

Humans possess a deep-seated desire to be accepted by their peers. In the early days of our species, being thrown out of the tribe meant little chance of survival. This is hardwired into us.

The desire to be liked can get in the way of control of money. You might buy a nice car to fit in with your neighbors. Or, foot a bill you can’t really afford at a business dinner to look like a big shot.

Here is the fix:

Bottom line: Be authentic about your money situation even if it’s embarrassing. This will give you freedom. You’ll be able to avoid making more financial mistakes.

4. Limited standards

It’s been scientifically proven that we adjust our happiness to fit our situations. So, if you don’t have the income level you’d like, you will make yourself believe you’re happy about it. You will unconsciously do things — like lie to yourself and avoid — to fool yourself into happiness.

Soon, you settle with what you’ve got and be fine with it. Problem is, now your in a safe box.

Here is the fix:

The fastest way to getting what you want is to heighten your standards. So, spend time with people who think bigger than you. Put yourself in environments that expand you. Take on new challenges.

What’s next?

One of the top ways to deal with any of the challenges above (or anything in life for that matter) is to model yourself around people who have what you want. This may be through observation or study.

So commit to finding yourself a mentor. Whether through books or in person. You could find yourself with more money than you ever expected in a very short amount of time.

How to improve self-esteem – Use this 2-minute ritual to build your confidence

ALERT: This blog post includes a free audio tool download below

If you want to learn how to improve self-esteem, then this two minute daily ritual will build your confidence and transform your opinion of yourself and improve your life.

The simple daily exercise translates into more confidence, more self love, better self esteem, and greater happiness. It will help you generate what you want for yourself in all areas. Guaranteed.

And, when you learn how to improve self-esteem, you will experience more peace and joy than you ever have before.

It is simple.

But a caveat….a few people think it’s absurd or silly. They say they feel ridiculous the first time they do it. But there are the same people that say it works when they stick with it.

Trust the process. It will pay off for you.

Try it for one week and grade yourself on the difference it makes for you and track the results you produce.

To make this ritual a no-brainer for you, I have created a free tool at the end of this post that you can grab that makes it much easier.

So here is…

The two minute daily ritual that builds your confidence and transforms your life…

The basic concept is called “mirror work”. Here’s how it works:

Stand in front of the mirror, in the morning preferably, and talk to yourself like you’re having a conversation with the you in the mirror. You tell yourself: “I’m awesome,” and, “I’m brilliant.” And you send love to yourself.

When I first discovered this ritual, I felt very silly doing it. But I also found that it is ridiculously effective and I like the results it produces. Most people have a similar experience. I also love being unshakably confident.

Stick it out and put in at least two minutes each day to do mirror work. I dare you to try it for seven days using my tool.

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Here is why it’s so effective in improving your-self esteem and giving you what you want in all areas of life.

How to improve self-esteem – start with mirror work

Some people have a very difficult time being with themselves in a mirror. That is because most people are used to beating themselves up for why they aren’t good enough.

The mental chatter in our heads, when you stand quietly being with ourselves in the mirror, can be unbearable for some. It was for me.

Mirror work is very different than looking at yourself when you brush your teeth. Or when you check out how great you look in that hot new dress or bespoke new suit. It’s a practice that’s about being with yourself in an a highly personal and intimate way.

But here’s the BIG SECRET about what happens when you do mirror work. When you do it often and learn to enjoy it, your entire experience of life will change.

When you love yourself unconditionally, similar to the love a parent gives a child, the deep joy and peace you experience will shift all your behaviors and how you perceive the world. And how others perceive you.

When you learn how to be with yourself in the mirror and authentically enjoy that experience, you will experience:

A feeling of peace and ease with yourself you never thought was possible.
Improved self-esteem.
Profound joy for yourself, your life and everyone and everything around you.
An abundance of energy. You’ll accomplish more in less time.
More positive results in all areas of your life.
Passion and connection in your romance (and mind blowing sex!)

Because…

The core beliefs you hold about yourself shape your reality. And you carry you wherever you go. When you are in love with you your world rocks no matter what comes your way.

You become someone who is settled in who you are. You don’t waiver on what you want. You stand for that. You stand for yourself.

Really, take this on. Try it. It will change your life.

I design this tool to help you: You Are Awesome Pep Talk Audio

It’s a morning mirror work pep talk I’ve developed. I can’t be there with you (besides, that would be weird!), but I can be there on audio to get you started in this process. You can use this pep talk forever, or you can use it until your are comfortable giving yourself a pep talk.

Use it until you are ready to say nice things to yourself without my help.

Check it out and try it for seven days. Assess your progress and when you get results, keep it going!

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Then use my Facebook page (click here) to share with me your progress, your challenges and your victories. Or if you prefer email via this form and my assistant Ally will ensure I see your message. (She is awesome at filtering it from all the mail I get!)

These questions for coples will spark a more passionate relationship

Questions for couples in this free relationship tool will bring you closer

Do you remember what it was like to fall in love with your spouse or partner? While relationships evolve and grow they can also hit lulls and dry spells. And it takes work to keep the passion alive, interesting and engaging. So the tool below is free to help you develop a more passionate relationship, which features key questions for couples to ask each other.

If you have been with your love for a year or more and want to inject new energy, excitement, love or passion into your relationship, then you’ve come to the right place.

I’ve got an easy (and free) formula you can grab below, that you use to reignite the passion, experience more freedom and connection with your partner than you ever have before. It can help you feel again like you did in the first year of your relationship.

Feel like you did in the first year of your relationship again

For most people, it goes something like this:

At times, you felt physically addicted to your lover.
They activated your physiological processes, made your palms sweat, heart race, pupils dilate.
The world felt perfect and peaceful when you were with them.
You couldn’t stop thinking about them.
Being in love with them made you do silly, nutty things to make sure they were happy and to keep them as your mate!

For most couples, the first six months of their relationship are the most passionate. Often they’re the most satisfying.

Relationships change, but can maintain their greatness

Overtime, while the relationship may change and may maintain its greatness, the first six months or so always stand as the those days when you were falling in love and it was “electrifying”.

Most couples lose the passion that existed in the early stages of their romance overtime. Many accept it, think that’s how it goes. And to a certain extent this is true. Of course relationships mature. So this is not a bad thing. passion can evolve into deep, connected love. And it can also fade, stale or go stagnant.

Early in a relationship, your brain releases euphoria-inducing chemicals

All humans in the early stages of love go through brain chemical changes. During the early stage your brain releases euphoria-inducing chemicals — hormones including dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and vasopressin.

In a 2010 Syracuse University study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, a team of researchers observed the brains of people looking at pictures of their romantic partners. They learned that this fired brain regions similar to those triggered in cocaine addicts.

But here’s the other common phenomenon that happens that has couples lose passion and satisfaction. In the beginning of a love relationship each party is all about satisfying the other person, that’s their focus. But overtime, the relationship becomes more and more about YOU, and your satisfaction levels, and what you’re not getting.

Still, you can do something about it today to immediately reconnect with your partner, experience more freedom in your relationship, and reignite the passion. (Keep reading, the free relationship tool is below.)

Loss of passion is normal

First it’s important to understand, this loss of passion is normal, natural, and there’s nothing wrong.

Here’s why it happens: Human beings at a base physiological are self-serving. Why? Because our brain’s first priority is to manage our survival needs. Part of that, means having us move towards things in life that are pleasurable and away from things that aren’t.

So, since you and I and everyone is always unconsciously self-serving. When it came to choosing your partner, you looked for someone who matched what you wanted in a partner, someone who made you better. And then you got them to love you by showing them how great you are – being loving, buying them nice things, taking an interest in what they love.

Making an effort comes naturally

At this stage of “woo-ing” and getting them to love you, you make an effort and it comes naturally.

If the relationship continues and you don’t make an effort to adapt, naturally what happens is you keep focusing on what you want. Because this how you’ve learned to operate for years. Nothing wrong about it, but here’s what usually happens.

Now that you’ve got your partner, you don’t have to try to woo them you just have to maintain their satisfaction so they don’t leave, and of course, you’re going to make sure you are getting what you need to be satisfied.

Bottom line: both parties tend to focus less on what the other person needs, and their selfish needs are instead.

As your life together changes, so will your personal needs

It becomes more complex when what each person needs change as time goes one and the relationship changes. For instance, if you go from being a couple to having a baby, the entire relationship dynamic changes and each party needs different things to feel satisfied.

The solution: Both parties need to forget about what they need and focus on what the other person needs, solely.

For example, if my partner wants to retire, feels fulfilled by spending time with me and appreciates when I make dinner for him every night then that is all I need to do.

Doing this will change the entire relationship dynamic.

Feed the relationship with regular communication

Now, here’s the other component to know what each person needs and wants with regards to their satisfaction in the relationship regular communication needs to happen. It doesn’t need to take a long time, but you do need to check in with each other in a “how is our relationship going for you?” kind of way.

To do this, it helps to have an assessment structure. Similar to relationships and in business and school we have performance assessments. Especially when you consider that humans aren’t robots. There are factors that affect our performance. We’re also not mind readers. In order to work in teams or in partnership we have to communicate so we can make sure everyone is on the same page.

Why do couples fail to ask the right questions of each other?

Since there is obvious value to having assessment structures in partnership, why do most people fail to review, renegotiate terms and have conversations about their marriages with the same resolve?

Many couples also don’t have conversations about obvious deal breakers before they get hitched. If you’re not married yet, but will be soon, it’s good to ask your potential lifetime partner if they want kids, etc. If you are not committed to the same lifestyle you should call it quits sooner than later.

Rarely do husbands and wives say what they need to say to each other when they need to say it. When they do say it, is there ever a time where they can say what needs to be said without repercussions? Often a partner can feel deeply hurt or angry. Or they end up holding it against the other in a state of quiet resentment.

(As an aside: This is especially true if your partnership is traditional. Men and women have different communication styles.)

So, here is the process. It’s quite simple and I’ve provided a free relationship tool to help you in the process:

Implement a bi-annual or annual relationship assessment

Implement an annual assessment where you interview each other at a scheduled time.

That either sounds simple, scary, or both. Or in some cases: Neither. Whatever your reaction to this, stay with me while I share the rules.

The assessment should follow this structure:

Step 1. Interview: Questions for couples to ask each other

Person A interviews Person B. During this time Person A is only allowed to listen and ask questions. Person A is not allowed to respond in any other way. They should listen calmly to the other person. And, not get upset in any way. They are simply to listen like they would if interviewing a stranger. Anything that is said is not allowed to be used against Person B at a future date.

Step 2. Switch: After one person asks questions, the other gets to ask

Person B interviews Person A. During this time Person B is only allowed to listen and ask questions. Person B is not allowed to respond in any other way and is to do their best to listen calmly to the other person without getting upset in any way. They are simply to listen like they would if interviewing a stranger. Anything that is said is not allowed to be used against Person A at a future date.

Step 3. Create structures: Create a plan to fix what comes up

Create measurable structures to fix anything that comes up. The questions for couples in the tool may cover frustration from one of the parties.

I’m serious when I say: You need to do this! Grab the rules and interview script provided below and schedule a time with your partner to chat. Make it fun. Go for date night.

Oh, and make sure you have the house to yourselves when you get home. No children, no TV, no distractions. Just focus on each other.

Click here to get the Amazing Relationship Interview Questions now!

Related: 50 more questions for couples to ask each other that will bring them closer

How to to beat procrastination once and for all

Let’s face it, putting off the tasks you need to do to get in action so that you can get the results you are are looking for, and your dreams realized, is one of the top battles we have with ourselves. So dominating procrastination is critical to living a productive your life. Here are five experts on procrastination who have the best tips to deal with this dream killer and to help you once and for all get in action.

Apprentice with an expert procrastination beater

The lifehack.org website doesn’t just have one key procrastination tip, but 11. The site is full of all kinds of life hacks, but we love #5 and #8 because it calls on the skills of other people who have mastered procrastination to train you. Once upon a time if you wanted to learn a skill you’d seek out a master. This was true for trades. You find a master electrician and apprentice under him. Or pledge fealty to a master chef and convince her to take you under her wing. The training was free but your master would keep the fruits of your labor. You would live with them, be fed by them, clothed, and perhaps you’d receive a small stipend. Today you no longer have to pledge your allegiance body and soul to them, still the best way to pick up a great habit or learn a tactic to is to apprentice with someone. Either formally ask them to train you or informally hang out with them and learn to copy their behaviors. See all 11 tips here.

Do the worst task first

This tip at RealSimple.com is one of our favorites as it gets the worst out of the way. You simply choose the most unpleasant or difficult task on your list and get to it. It’s not the only awesome time on this site, but a series of great procrastination beating tips that you’ll really find useful. I love what the author of the book The Procrastination Equation: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Things Done has to say about getting the worst item on your list done. It’s pure genius and makes a whole lot of sense from a psychological perspective. Here are all the tips from RealSimple: How to stop procrastinating

Use the two-minute rule to knock if off your list

For those of you who need a visual step by step guide to beating procrastination, then you’ll find utility in this post from WikiHow.com. Scan your list and see if there are any quick win tasks, like taking out the garbage, or changing the toner in the printer. They should take more than two minutes. Then get it done now…it will make you feel like you have made progress on your list and it will empower you to attack the bigger tasks, there’s nothing more satisfying than a line through an item that you’ve been putting off on your to-do list. We also like tip 4 and LOVE tip 5. Just don’t dwell on tip 5 for too long! How to Stop Procrastinating

How to to beat procrastination once and for all

How to repair a Melania Trump sized mistake in four simple steps

Did you make a Melania Trump sized mistake? Melania Trump. Oh boy. If you are like me, you may have gasped in disbelief after it was revealed that Melania Trump plagiarized Michelle Obama in her speech, when she introduced her husband Donald Trump at the Republican National Convention. If you’re not aware of what happened, to catch you …

Continue reading “How to repair a Melania Trump sized mistake in four simple steps”

How your brain tricks you into bad financial habits

If you have bad financial habits — say, rash overspending, anxiety around money or avoiding dealing with money — you can blame it, in part, on the grey goo between your ears. Blame your brain. But only in part. You see, your brain is a very complex information processing system and its primary job is …

Continue reading “How your brain tricks you into bad financial habits”

How to improve self-esteem – Use this 2-minute ritual to build your confidence

ALERT: This blog post includes a free audio tool download below If you want to learn how to improve self-esteem, then this two minute daily ritual will build your confidence and transform your opinion of yourself and improve your life. The simple daily exercise translates into more confidence, more self love, better self esteem, and greater …

Continue reading “How to improve self-esteem – Use this 2-minute ritual to build your confidence”

These questions for coples will spark a more passionate relationship

Questions for couples in this free relationship tool will bring you closer Do you remember what it was like to fall in love with your spouse or partner? While relationships evolve and grow they can also hit lulls and dry spells. And it takes work to keep the passion alive, interesting and engaging. So the …

Continue reading “These questions for coples will spark a more passionate relationship”

How to to beat procrastination once and for all

Dominating procrastination is critical to living a productive your life. Here are five experts on procrastination who have the best tips to deal with this dream killer.