feeling fat and ugly

What to do when your weight gets in the way you being you

What to do if you are feeling fat and ugly

feeling fat and uglyHave you had this experience? All is great with life then one day you start to feel a bit heavier. Your clothes aren’t quite fitting like they used to. But you look at yourself and decide you still look fine. Days and weeks go by of you having this experience, feeling a bit heavier but not denying the little belly you’re growing. Then, one day you go step on the scale. You are 15 lbs heavier than you’d like to be. Crap! You are feeling fat and ugly.

You start thinking about what you need to do to lose the excess weight that seemed to come out of nowhere. Your thoughts start to annoy you. You tell yourself you suck because you let yourself gain the extra weight. Ugh! Nothing is fitting like it used to. You’ve been wearing more black than usual.

You feel like crap and you’re noticing it’s getting in the way of your life. You don’t feel like you. And that voice in your head is getting louder: I’m feeling fat and ugly. I’m feeling fat and ugly. Ugh. It is destroying your self confidence.

And even if you’re taking actions to lose the weight, that takes time. So how can you feel good about being in a body you don’t particularly love and feel comfortable in?

You are not your body

1. Get that you are not your body. Most people have a tendency to collapse these two things.  There’s you and there is your body. YOU ARE NOT YOUR BODY.  So, your overweight body doesn’t need to get in the way of who you are and what you’d like to do.

There is something you need to think about and understand, like a rule of the universe. Like gravity. You are not your body. You need to remind yourself of this when your body is getting in the way of your life.

2. You need to respect and celebrate the body you don’t like. A lot of people refuse to buy nice new clothes until they lose the weight. Big mistake. Why wait months to look better to dress nicely and feel good?  You need to accept where you are and go out and buy some gorgeous new bigger clothes. This will help you feel great about your current body so it doesn’t get in the way of your life. It’s amazing what bigger, sexy clothes can do to make you feel good.

3. Take action!  If you’re not happy about your body, but you’re not doing anything about it then I have no pity for you, and no one else does either. Learn to be unstoppable about getting what you want. This includes the shape you want for body. And if it’s not about your weight, but you hate something else, like your nose or breasts, what are you doing about it? You don’t have to go crazy. Small, rituals lead to big results. Start walking. Eat the foods you like, but replace sugar and find natural foods to incorporate. Taking action around anything that doesn’t work in your life will immediately give you power.

And so, are you currently dealing with feeling fat and ugly? Try the tactics above and tell me what you think.

how to love yourself unconditionally

How to love yourself unconditionally: 4 strategies

Besides the obvious fact that you have to be with you for life, loving yourself is one of the most important and most overlooked aspects of living an extraordinary life. Below, you’ll learn how to love yourself unconditionally using four easy strategies.

Loving yourself is also a critical aspect of being likable. It’s crucial if you want to attract great people into your life. People instinctively and unconsciously like to be around people that love themselves. They exude confidence and occur as natural leaders.

When you are settled in who you are — in other words, you love yourself unconditionally — you present to others as a confident force who is passionate about life. (see also: How to improve self-esteem)how to love yourself unconditionally

You also show up as someone who stands for what you believe in. What I mean by this, is that you express your opinions, and you do it in a way that aren’t a put off to others.

You don’t waiver when other people think differently than you on certain topics. You believe in yourself and you follow your truth. And, when you really want something you are unstoppable in pursuing it.  

Being good with you is a crucial component of your likeability factor too. It’s something you should nurture and tend to. Like any relationship it takes work. It requires that you actively commit to learning how to: Manage and set aside negative thoughts about yourself when you have them; honor your strengths and greatest traits, and; treat yourself with kindness and respect. How to love yourself unconditionally is not difficult. But it takes conscious effort.

People will sense when you don’t love yourself. It will affect their desire to want to be around you. Here are some simple steps you can take to have a great relationship with you.

How to love yourself unconditionally

Spend Time with Yourself

When you spend time alone, you can hear your thoughts. You can be silent and listen to what you are telling you and what you know you need. Listen and honor what that inner voice says. I recommend having a dedicated “me time” date every week.

In addition, you may want to start a practice of mirror work. This is a daily ritual where you stand in front of the mirror, hang out with yourself, and tell yourself you’re awesome.

Many people have difficulty being with themselves in the mirror. With continued practice of doing this for as little as two minutes a day within as little as a week you will experience a tremendous boost of confidence. This will translate to increased results in all areas of your life.

Honor Your Inner Voice

All people have an instinct, a sixth sense, for knowing what they need. Part of loving yourself means honoring your little voice. When it tells you to do something, reflect on what it’s saying.

When you listen regularly you will hear recurring themes. Honor your voice by doing what it tells you. This is especially true when something nags at you and continues to speak to you.

Feed Your Ego

It’s very important you feed the ego part of yourself. This is the selfish part of you. It’s the part that wants that new outfit when you’re out shopping, or to eat that piece of cake.

It’s crucial you feed your ego regularly. If you don’t — if you starve your desires — this self-denial will bite you in the butt. One day you’ll mentally collapse or have might have a mini-breakdown. You have to indulge in your healthy desires. (Even if the occasional piece of cake is unhealthy, it’s health to indulge.)

Use the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time do what is sensible and what is good for versus what you feel like doing. 20% of the time indulge in the things you want and desire for no reason.

Don’t feel bad about doing this. It’s important. If you don’t indulge on regular basis you will force yourself into an unhealthy state of desire. Not honoring the ego will have it turn against you.

Ever seen a dieter starve themselves for weeks on kale and then one day lose their mind and blow through all the food in their kitchen cupboards sniffing out every sugary crumb? This is the kind of situation you want to avoid.

Positive Self Talk

Every human has a constant negative voice that runs in their head. When your internal voice says negative things do you tell it to “shut up”? Sometimes you just have to do this.

If you have trouble telling yourself you’re awesome and avoiding your negative self talk, having a weekly date with yourself and doing mirror work with positive affirmations, is even more important of practice.

If there are times where your negative self talk becomes unbearable, you may want to have someone in your life tell you you’re full of BS. Really. Take control of the negative voice. Thank it for sharing and tell it to go stuff it. It will never go away, but you can learn to dominate it.

Some people think that loving yourself is not easy. Some don’t think twice about it. It depends how you were raised. Who you role models were. And what kind of parenting you had.

No one teaches you to actively love yourself. It’s not something we’re taught to do. But it’s the most important thing. And it can be learned. You can overcome a life of not loving yourself. Regardless of how old you are today. And the sooner you start to do it, the sooner you’ll get good at it. And that’s when you will transform and life will suddenly start to become easier. It is actually a bit of a miracle.

This skill is critical when it comes to your ability to be a business partner, friend, a parent and especially a spouse. If you don’t love you, how can you love and appreciate others?

If you don’t love you, how can you live a life you love that does you justice? Loving yourself translates to massive power. When you can get to that place life becomes really easy. And success will come naturally in every part of your life.

It’s not like you just wake up and suddenly love yourself. It’s like any relationship – it takes work. Somedays it’s harder to love yourself than others. With practice and a commitment to it you will become a master. Do the work. You will reap the benefits.

Let’s talk about specifics. Here is a simple exercise.

  1. Close your eyes and clear your mind for a few seconds.
  2. Breathe deeply.
  3. Now and think about how awesome you are. You can even say in your head to yourself: “I am awesome.” You can list the reasons why, if you like.
  4. Then listen.
  5. Soon, your inner critic will voice its opinion. It might occur like doubt. Or it may ridicule you: “This is a dumb exercise.” or…”You actually believe this crap?” Or it may immediately say. No you are not. Remember the time that you…[it will then tell you what you did that was not awesome].
  6. Notice what it says. If it is complimentary, thank it. (It might, but probably won’t.) If it is not complimentary, thank it for its opinion. Or if it’s nasty. Tell it to shut up. Discard all the reasons it gives you why it disagrees with you. Reaffirm why you are awesome.
  7. This may not be easy for some. That’s ok. It takes practice.
  8. If sometime comes up that you see is not awesome, forgive yourself. Acknowledge it. Something like…”Ok, yes I wasn’t awesome that time, but I am now and will be in future.”

If you’d like to incorporate a mirror work practice into your life or encourage yourself to think more positively about yourself, download and use this free audio pep talk tool and watch the video here.

how to improve self-esteem

How to improve self-esteem – Use this 2-minute ritual to build your confidence

how to improve self esteem

Learn how to improve self-esteem

ALERT: This blog post includes a free audio tool download below

If you want to learn how to improve self-esteem, then this two minute daily ritual will build your confidence and transform your opinion of yourself and improve your life.

The simple daily exercise translates into more confidence, more self love, better self esteem, and greater happiness. It will help you generate what you want for yourself in all areas. Guaranteed.

And, when you learn how to improve self-esteem, you will experience more peace and joy than you ever have before.

It is simple.

But a caveat….a few people think it’s absurd or silly. They say they feel ridiculous the first time they do it. But there are the same people that say it works when they stick with it.

Trust the process. It will pay off for you.

Try it for one week and grade yourself on the difference it makes for you and track the results you produce.

To make this ritual a no-brainer for you, I have created a free tool at the end of this post that you can grab that makes it much easier.

So here is…

The two minute daily ritual that builds your confidence and transforms your life…

The basic concept is called “mirror work”. Here’s how it works:

Stand in front of the mirror, in the morning preferably, and talk to yourself like you’re having a conversation with the you in the mirror. You tell yourself: “I’m awesome,” and, “I’m brilliant.” And you send love to yourself.

When  I first discovered this ritual, I felt very silly doing it. But I also found that it is ridiculously effective and I like the results it produces. Most people have a similar experience. I also love being unshakably confident.

Stick it out and put in at least two minutes each day to do mirror work. I dare you to try it for seven days using my tool.


Here is why it’s so effective in improving your-self esteem and giving you what you want in all areas of life.

How to improve self-esteem – start with mirror work

Some people have a very difficult time being with themselves in a mirror. That is because most people are used to beating themselves up for why they aren’t good enough.

The mental chatter in our heads, when you stand quietly being with ourselves in the mirror, can be unbearable for some. It was for me.

Mirror work is very different than looking at yourself when you brush your teeth. Or when you check out how great you look in that hot new dress or bespoke new suit. It’s a practice that’s about being with yourself in an a highly personal and intimate way.

But here’s the BIG SECRET about what happens when you do mirror work. When you do it often and learn to enjoy it, your entire experience of life will change.

When you love yourself unconditionally, similar to the love a parent gives a child, the deep joy and peace you experience will shift all your behaviors and how you perceive the world. And how others perceive you.

When you learn how to be with yourself in the mirror and authentically enjoy that experience, you will experience:

  • A feeling of peace and ease with yourself you never thought was possible.
  • Improved self-esteem.
  • Profound joy for yourself, your life and everyone and everything around you.
  • An abundance of energy. You’ll accomplish more in less time.
  • More positive results in all areas of your life.
  • Passion and connection in your romance (and mind blowing sex!)


The core beliefs you hold about yourself shape your reality. And you carry you wherever you go. When you are in love with you your world rocks no matter what comes your way.

You become someone who is settled in who you are. You don’t waiver on what you want. You stand for that. You stand for yourself.

Really, take this on. Try it. It will change your life.

I design this tool to help you: You Are Awesome Pep Talk Audio

It’s a morning mirror work pep talk I’ve developed.  I can’t be there with you (besides, that would be weird!), but I can be there on audio to get you started in this process. You can use this pep talk forever, or you can use it until your are comfortable giving yourself a pep talk.

Use it until you are ready to say nice things to yourself without my help.

Check it out and try it for seven days. Assess your progress and when you get results, keep it going!


Then use my Facebook page (click here) to share with me your progress, your challenges and your victories. Or if you prefer email via this form and my assistant Ally will ensure I see your message. (She is awesome at filtering it from all the mail I get!)