How to make friends as an adult

how to make friends as an adult

Remember when you were a kid and you could walk up to someone and ask if they wanted to play and that’s it. From that point on, you were friends for life. Have you ever tried that as an adult? How to make friends as an adult often involves more strategy. There are a few more things to consider besides whether or not your potential friend likes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And sometimes, making friends as an adult is tough.

Add to this the transitions we go through as we age. We go from being singled to married, then we might have children, and perhaps divorce. Different jobs. Different houses. Different countries for some. In each one of those situations the group of friends you have around you may or may not be able to relate. And sometimes you might find yourself struggling, wishing you had another adult like you around to connect with. If you’ve been challenges with how to make friends as an adult this article contains tangible tips you can take immediately to increase your social circle.

Why having great friends is critical

Having a core group of friends around you is essential to your survival and your fulfillment levels in life. It’s been scientifically proven (from multiple studies) that having positive friendships is linked to more joy and, it extends your longevity.

It’s important to consider the types of people you bring into your life. You need people who understand you, who you have fun with, who remind you of what is great about life or help you let go of what is not. You also need friends who challenge you, who will help you grow. It’s critical to have friends that help you consider a different way of thinking about the circumstances you find yourself in.

We all need different people at different times and we need to be those friends for other people too. This might be the perfect moment for you to take stock of the friendships you have in your life? Do you have people around that you have fun with or that make you think or that challenge you?

How to make friends as an adult – The process of friend hunting

Have you considered what is most important in a social circle at this moment in your life? It may seem an odd thing to think about but it’s important to consider. Proximity equals power and who you spend your time will either have you excel, feel fulfilled and get closer to achieving your dreams or stagnate.

Making friends as an adult can be a little bit like looking for a new job. I say this not just because it can be time consuming and we may have to push ourselves out of our comfort zones but also because most of us no longer want just a job. We want to work for an organization that values us, treats us well, has a positive environment, shares similar interests and core values. You might feel the same for the friends that you surround yourself with.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. We are greatly influenced by people around us. Our friends have the ability to affect our thinking, our self esteem, our decisions. They can either be positive, supportive influences who help us to be more successful in our life. Or, they can be a negative influence that holds us back from seeking or achieving our true potential.

If you are reading this you’re likely looking to surround yourself with extraordinary people. You’re looking for people who will help you be more, do more and achieve more in your life. 

So just as if you were searching for your dream job, take a moment now to consider: What’s most important to you right now? Are you looking to have more fun in life? Are you looking for others who are business minded? Do you want friends who are more active? How much time are you willing to invest? Do you want an occasional friend? Maybe they don’t need to live in the same country or city as you.

Take the time to think through the type of friends you are looking for. Write it down the qualities and criteria. This will help give you clarity.

Strategize and prep

When you look for a job, naturally you’ll narrow down the industry and the type of company you want to work for as you begin applying and preparing for interviews. You’ll want to do the same with the people you meet. Consider where you should go to meet the types of people you want to be friends with. Then go there and connect with people. It’s okay to secretly “prospect” in your mind. It’s kind of like the interview process during the job hunt.

If you are a curious person, there is nothing better than an entire hour of time dedicated to asking as many questions as you want. If you hate this phase then you need to prepare for it. Do your research and have a game plan so you can make the best possible first impressions with people when you’re out socially.

This may be completely out of your comfort zone but the more often you try to put yourself out there the more competent you will become. The more comfortable and competent you are doing it the more confident you will be in continuing to do it. The first time is always the hardest.

If this is a major struggle for you, picture what your life will be like if you don’t bother trying. Will you feel better or worse about yourself? Amplify your current situation into the future. What does it look like? Will you be lonely if you don’t make a change? Step up, push yourself, and remind yourself of what life will look like without interesting relationships when you feel uncomfortable.

First round, second round…maybe more?

When you know the type of friend you want to find, it’s time to get into action. Let’s use an example of wanting to surround yourself with friends who are more physically fit.

You may choose to look up “meetup groups” in your area, searching specifically on the activity you enjoy most. This is an easy way to find a large group of people doing something you like. You may choose to join a sports team, or maybe you want to volunteer with a big event in your community. Maybe you have a neighbor who is fit that you can connect with? Search out the group, event or situation. It should be something that you are comfortable with and committed to attending.

What tends to be the most challenging part of making new friends is the initial connect. When you arrive at the event or find yourself in a new social situation, remind yourself of your intentions.  Make an effort to meet each person, be genuinely interested in his or her current pursuits, come prepared with general questions in case you can’t think of anything to say. Be curious and open to each person. You may meet one or two people that you really connect with. See if they are open to hanging out again whether it is another similar event or something different.

Just like an interview when you meet them the second and 3rd time they may not be as good a fit as they seemed the first time. It’s important to give the relationship some time and energy.Just like interviews the first couple times may not work out.

Recently, I moved to a new city I went to skiing meet ups, wine nights, running events, I volunteered, it took me quite a while to find genuine friends I really enjoyed being around. Persistence and patience with the process is important. Keep putting yourself out there you might be surprised where and when you meet a great friend along the way.

Proximity is power – Taking it to the next level

Now if you are like Kay and I, you don’t want any old friend you want a friend who is going to elevate your game. Both of us were eager to meet a tribe of people who were similar to us in our interests to pursue our dreams. Which meant in order to meet people who were like us we had to put ourselves in a position where we ourselves were leveling up.

We put ourselves out there, taking as many courses as we could, programs, events. You name it, both of us have been there!  So initiative and find events, online courses, webinars anything that is interesting to you. Go to events, network, connect with people. Get on to facebook pages and see whose thought process really aligns with your own. Follow up with people when you say you will, show up as your true and authentic self. When you are completely genuine in your approach, you reach out with kindness and sincerity you will meet people who are also the same.

Making new friends can take time, persistence and patience. Finding the right group of people to surround yourself with is well worth the time invested.

How to love yourself

I used to wonder if it would ever be possible for me to love myself. In my early twenties I saw this as a place I would never be able to get to. Now, I chuckle as I am reminded of that time. This idea, this struggle of not being able to love myself, I remember it vividly though it’s inconceivable to me now. I’ve done a ton of work on my relationship with myself. A decades worth. It’s ongoing, in fact. And in this post I’ll share some nuggets I’ve learned for anyone who is struggling with how to love yourself.

How to love yourself

How to love yourself 

Loving yourself is not some place to get to, you can flip that switch today. At this very moment. That might tick you off and some of you reading this might want to kick me for saying this (but I’ll tell you how below): Loving yourself is a decision.

It’s a decision you alone can make. It’s a decision you don’t just make once but constantly. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

This is really hard idea to understand, especially when you’re struggling with how to love yourself. So how do you flip the switch?

The first step to a better relationship with you…

Well, first you have to accept the struggle you’re in. Stop asking yourself “why can’t I love myself?” and stop getting caught up in the WHY of it all. Just accept that at this moment, right now, you don’t love yourself.

It’s easy for you to get caught up in trying to figure out why you don’t love yourself and how to get there. But this thinking will only lead you in circles and keep you stuck. So first stop asking why. It’s time to start asking yourself new questions. And commit this to memory: The quality of the questions you ask yourself is equal to the quality of the life you live.

If you ask yourself questions like “why can’t I love myself?” you’ll search for answers. The reason you come up with will only validate the struggle. It will stop you from changing the way you think and feel and how you treat yourself in future. So notice the why questions that you’re asking yourself that are negative and don’t work. Now, fill that space with a new question, like….

How can I learn to love myself?

How can I be kind to myself today?

What can I do – one simple action today – to change the way I feel about myself?

What qualities do I love and appreciate about myself?

These are better questions and they’ll help you to shift how you feel. And remember, you have to be willing to let the love in. Start small. Think of one quality you love about yourself and let that be your focus.

When you internally ask why questions, most of the time you’ll stay caught up in the past. That’ll never serve you to move forward. The why doesn’t matter. The what’s next does.

The only one who suffers from not loving yourself is you. And this negativity will permeate into all areas of your life and all the choices you make. You’ll choose partners that aren’t good for you or don’t treat you well. Your career will reflect the worth you give yourself and that will expand into the areas of finance and your lifestyle. It’s all connected.

Accept the way you feel and give yourself a moment to feel it

When you’re in a space of struggling and wondering how to love yourself. The best thing to do is stop everything and go be by yourself somewhere. Get quiet. Feel how you feel. Give yourself five or ten minutes to feel the negative emotions you have for yourself. If you’re mad about something you did in the past, allow yourself to feel the anger you have for yourself. If you hate you’re body, allow yourself a few moment to feel really sad, frustrated about your body.

Emotions are like the knots of tension you can get in your physical body. When you put pressure on a muscle from physically working it, the build up of lactic acid will cause an uncomfortable knot to occur. To release the knot you have to put pressure on it. You have to push into the knot for the tension to release. It’s the same with emotions. Feel them. Don’t suppress or avoid them, you have to feel them and then they dissolve. Your negative thoughts will literally weaken and dissolve.

So, right now, if you’re reading this and you’re feeling negatively towards yourself, take a moment to close your eyes. Take yourself back to a moment that triggers your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. It’s surprisingly a very calming and therapeutic experience to go through.

Fill the space with something positive, something new

After you feel and release the emotional tension, think of one thing you’re grateful for. Something simple. It could be your heart, a tree outside, the home you live in, or a person you love. Feel how grateful you are.

Then, when you’re feeling positive, think of one wonderful trait about yourself or a great thing you’ve accomplished in your life. Follow this with scheduling one nice thing you could do for yourself today. One small action that would help you to feel good about yourself.

Make this a ritual

Loving yourself involves training. If you’ve spent years having negative thoughts about yourself, it’s going to take a while for your relationship with you to change. So anytime you feel mad, sad, frustrated, angry at yourself or about yourself, stop and allow yourself to feel your negative emotions. Follow this with a thought of gratitude and recognize something great about yourself. Then, take one action that day to love yourself. Consider this your new regular – perhaps daily – ritual.

Any mindset shift requires emotional leverage

Even though you want to change, you’ll continue to be and think negatively about yourself until you get the impacts it’s causing on your life and behavior. If you really want to make a shift, if you really want to start loving yourself more, you need to really get what you’ve been missing out on by allowing yourself to think this way about yourself.

The best way to do this, is to take some time to write out a list of the all the impacts of you thinking this way. What are the impacts on you and your life? If you don’t love yourself, what are the impacts on other people? What are the impacts in your relationships? What are the global impacts? Seriously, what are the impacts on the world.

Whether you believe that there are impacts on the world at large, there are. Every person on this planet has a gift to give. Are you contributing your gifts? Are you making a difference? Are you leaving this world better than the one you came into?

Hating yourself is like a doubled-edged sword. Whatever you think internally expresses itself externally. If you don’t love yourself it’ll be all over your life and the results you can produce.

You really want to get this. Getting the impacts will help you realize that you have to put in the effort to change. When you get the impacts the choice to love yourself becomes easy and critical.

What to do when you really can’t think anything positive about yourself

Find someone to hold you bigger than you hold yourself. Find someone to love you. Find someone to treat you well. A sibling. A friend. A parent. A relative. A colleague. A coach. A therapist. Find someone who will hold you to your greatness. Find someone to love and acknowledge you and who will tell you your great.

Then, it’s your job to listen.

And it’ll probably take you a long time to let the love in. But just keep trying.

I know this from experience. In my early twenties, I am grateful to have had a mentor that took me under his wing. He said to me: “you’re a beautiful gift to the world”. Every time he said it, it felt ridiculous to me. It felt wrong. I didn’t believe it. But the more he told this too me, the more I start to let this idea come into my own head.

Overtime, things shifted and I started to care more for myself. Eat better. Sleep enough. Have a bit more fun. Eat nutritious foods (like soursop). I started to treat myself kindly. I started to see how my negative chatter didn’t work. We all need other people to see us bigger than we see ourselves. Sometimes we need it more.

So find someone to hold you big until you can hold yourself.

One thing you can do today to start loving yourself more today…

Set a timer on your mobile device or computer. When it goes off acknowledge one great thing about yourself. Pat yourself on the back daily for something good you’ve done or a trait you love about yourself. Remind yourself to do this, until it becomes natural.

And don’t forget…loving yourself is a double edged sword. Put the love in and it’ll flow out. Your life will expand from simply loving yourself a little more each day.

best questions for couple

100 questions for couples to ask each other

best questions for couplesThese 100 best questions for couples can be used when you first get to know each other, or they can be used as refresher for people who have been together for a long time. Some makes sense to ask when you first meet. A few questions are better asked when you get more serious. Some may be more appropriate for married couples.  Communication is the best tool to help develop intimacy, so ask these questions, or make up variations, or invent your own questions and then use them on each other!

Best questions for couples to ask so they can grow closer

  1. What are your best qualities?
  2. Which are your worst qualities?
  3. When did you first have your heart broken?
  4. Are you still friends with any of your ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends?
  5. Are platonic friendships possible with members of the opposite sex?
  6. How read to be monogamous? And if so why?
  7. Can you define cheating?
  8. What are your unfulfilled sexual desires or fantasies?
  9. If you won the national lottery, how would your life change?
  10. What’s your fondest memory ever memory?
  11. Describe the scariest moment of your life.
  12. What is your biggest fear?
  13. Do you have any phobias?
  14. What can instantly make you feel better if you get bad news?
  15. Which tricks do you use to fix a bad day?
  16. What is the most amazing advice you have ever received?
  17. Besides or parents, who do you respect most in your life? Why?
  18. Are you a cat person or dog person?
  19. Are good or bad at keeping secrets? Give me an example.
  20. When is it ok to tell a lie or fib?
  21. Do you bottle things up or do you ever over share?
  22. What do you wish you knew more about?
  23. If you went back to school or could study anything what would you study?
  24. Which of your body parts do you like the least?
  25. Which of your body parts do you like the most?
  26. Would you ever have cosmetic surgery?
  27. What are you most passionate about in life?
  28. Would you say you live to work, work to live, or neither?
  29. How would you respond if one of us got a job that required a lot of travel?
  30. Would you be willing to relocate for a job? For your partner’s?
  31. Would you prefer to run your own business or to work for someone else?
  32. What is the best customer service experience you ever had?
  33. What was the worst flight you ever took?
  34. Do you like to work more during the morning or in the evening?
  35. How many hours of sleep do you need to fully function at your best?
  36. What was your first pet’s name?
  37. From this list of best questions for couples, what has been your favorite so far?
  38. How often do you like to see or speak to your parents or siblings?
  39. Have you ever lost someone or something you truly loved?
  40. What’s your ideal weather or climate?
  41. Describe your ideal holiday: Sun, snow, city or beach…or other.
  42. What would or best day ever be like? Start from when I opened my eyes
  43. How do you feel about travelling with other couples?
  44. Condo or house?
  45. What drives you every day?
  46. Do you know purpose in life?
  47. What do you value more: planning or being spontaneous?
  48. Do you prefer certainty or uncertainty?
  49. Do you believe in life after death? Or reincarnation?
  50. Do you believe in a god or a higher power?
  51. Do you believe in ghosts?
  52. What religion were / are your parents? How devout were / are they?
  53. How would you react if we had a problem getting pregnant (or getting pregnant again)?
  54. Would you consider adopting children?
  55. How many children do you want, or how many more do you want?
  56. Do you want to raise your children in a particular religion or form of spirituality?
  57. Would you ever be a stay at home parent?
  58. Do you expect a partner to be a full time parent?
  59. How do you feel about hiring someone to help with childcare, cooking or housecleaning?
  60. Are birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays important to you?
  61. How do you expect to split holidays between your family and your partners?
  62. Which chores do you most like to do the most? The least?
  63. Are you a saver or a spender?
  64. How much debt do you have? Or would you like to have in a year?
  65. What was your first job?
  66. What was your worst job?
  67. Were you ever fired from a job as a kid?
  68. Who was or favorite teacher or professor?
  69. What age do you want to retire?
  70. Where do you want to be and what do you want to do when you retire?
  71. When you die: Cremation or burial?
  72. Favorite boy’s name?
  73. Favorite girl’s name?
  74. Are there any twins in your family?
  75. What names would you give twins?
  76. Are you scared of pregnancy or giving birth?
  77. What was your worst date?
  78. Have you ever been interviewed in TV or radio or for a newspaper?
  79. Who was or best boss ever?
  80. What group of kids did you  hang out with in high school?
  81. What dish would you like to learn to make?
  82. Who was your first kiss?
  83. Guns keep you safe? Gun control keeps you safe?
  84. What was the most zen moment of your life?
  85. Which behavior from others makes you angriest?
  86. What question from this best questions for couples list would to like to be asked that I haven’t asked you yet?
  87. If you wrote this list of best questions for couples, what questions would you add that is missing?
  88. What makes you most happy?
  89. What books were you into when you were a kid?
  90. Tell me about the most profound book you ever read?
  91. What is the one memory that makes you cry?
  92. What kind of parent or grandparent do you think you will be?
  93. If I died, would you remarry?
  94. What is the hardest thing you have ever done?
  95. What would be the title of your autobiography if you ever wrote one?
  96. If money was no object where would you live?
  97. What is the one thing on Amazon that you want right now that you would buy if you had a $500 gift certificate?
  98. Have you ever skydived? Would you?
  99. Would you ever edit or children’s genes? To change their looks?
  100. Elvis or the Beatles? Discuss.

Related: Free relationship tool, complete with questions for couples

How to be a better listener…and listen like your life depends on it

Are you a good listener?

Do you listen like your life depends on it?

Being a master listener comes with some crazy benefits. Here are three:

  • Active listening has people think you’re awesome. It’s one of the most effective ways to be a people magnet. When you truly listen to people they feel appreciated. It fills a deep need all people have to be understood. People like to be around people that hear them. It makes them feel to be a better listener
  • Active listening gives you leverage. When you understand people you can use your knowledge to speak to what they need, and also get what you want.
  • Active listening makes you smarter. The fastest way to expand your emotional IQ skills and to get unstuck when dealing with common life challenges, is to listen. It’s a simple way to boost your success in all areas of life.

So, let me ask you again: Are you a good listener?

Find out now by doing a quick listening audit on yourself, against the most common listening pitfalls listed below. Then read on to learn four simple tips you can use today to be a better listener.

The six most common listening pitfalls

We’re all guilty of them each pitfall from time to time, though you will find that you identify most with one. Which listening style is dominant for you?:

#1: The Anxious Listener

When you’re in conversation, do you find yourself overly concerned with how you’re doing? Do you wonder: What does the other person really think of me? Or, What should I say now to sound intelligent?

When you’re caught up in thoughts of how you’re being perceived it takes you out of the conversation. It becomes about you not the topic you are discussing or what’s going on with the other person.

#2: The Analyzer

Do you approach most conversations with an intention to critique and provide your expertise to the other person, to solve what they are dealing with? Are you always looking to offer advice?

As the Analyzer you’re more interested in diagnosing or playing the role of therapist than you are of listening. If you take a “here’s what you should do approach” to your conversations without being asked for this kind of input, you might be an Analyzer.

#3: The “I’m not listening but I sure look like I am” listener

The easiest way to spot this type of listener is from noticing their emphasized body language. Expressive eyes. Excessive smiling and exaggerated nods of the head.

If this is you, you make a real effort to show you’re engaged in your conversations. Though, in many cases you’ve got a hidden agenda. You unconsciously drive the conversation in a specific direction.

This listening style is classic in the media where interviewers are trying to get the right answers in a short amount of time and look genuinely interest for the camera, but are preoccupied with the internal dialog in their head.

#4: The Ego-Centric Listener

This listening style is best illustrated with an example:

Person A says: “I’m so frustrated I woke up with a cold today. I’ve been coughing all morning and my nose is stuffed!”

Person B says: “You know what, I’m getting a cold too. It’s no fun. I’m going to have a tea to make myself feel better. I hate being sick.”

This type of listener always responds with their experience of what is going on. They don’t listen or empathize with the person they are speaking to. They tend to always direct the conversation back to themselves.

#5: The Too-Active Listener

Have you ever had the experience of being fully committed to listening to someone and you’re so focused on listening, that you find yourself not listening?

This often happens when people learn to be better listeners and they focus on all the things they should be doing – making eye contact, nodding their head, paraphrasing – and lose their ability to just be. To do the one thing they are supposed to do.

#6: The “wait did you say something?” Listener

Are you constant multi-tasker? When people speak to you, do you stop what you’re doing and give them your undivided attention? Or, do you maintain conversations while you’re focused on other activities and barely notice you’re talking to someone else. You talk like a Minion, jabbering away without really listen to the other person.

This type of listener often messes up simple instructions or interrupts the person they are talking to mid-sentence with a “wait, what did you just say?” or “I missed that”.

What it feels like to truly listen…

Listening is not a passive skill as many people think it is. On the contrary, it’s highly active. In fact, if you’re listening properly, you might feel tired after a deep conversation. It takes energy, attention and focus to listen like a master.

It also requires throwing out any agenda you have when you listen. Forgetting about yourself and being fully engaged in the experience of the person you are talking to.

When you truly listen you lose yourself. You find yourself in a dance of conversation where you no longer think. It’s similar to the feeling of playing a piece of music on a instrument that you’ve learned to play without the music, or following a dance routine you’ve learned, without thinking about the steps.

If you want to be a better listener here are four simple steps you can immediately to increase your effectiveness:

Four pro listening tips

Step 1: Amplify your interest

Listen like you care about the topic you’re conversing about even when you don’t. Make an effort to take a deep interest in the person you’re speaking to. If you don’t care initially, this will easily dissipate when you bring your full attention to the conversation. Find something in what the are saying that is of interest. Engage with them and explore the topic.

How to listen like a proStep 2: Let go of your internal dialogue

Listening like an expert requires you let go of what you want to say when it pops into your mind. Walk into your conversations without an agenda.

Stop driving the conversations.  Really listening means giving up what you want to say over and over (and over!) so you can hear what the other person has to say. 

Step 3: Respeak

Respeak is a technique of periodically saying back what you just heard to the person who just said it to you. It’s effective because:

  1. It allows you to ensure you got the correct message.
  2. It shows them that you heard them.
  3. You hear the message again and then you know what to say back to those people.
  4. This is extra effective when you are in a stressful or heated conversation.

Step 4: Learn how to read and use body language

Sometimes your body language sends the wrong message. Learning body language helps to express your engagement and like of the person you’re speaking to. It also helps you interpret what other people are saying to you beyond the words coming from their mouth.

Try the techniques above. They are foolproof ways to steer clear of the common listening pitfalls.

You’ll be shocked what can occur when you start to deeply listen to people. You will  feel what they feel. You’ll start to get caught up in experiences with them. And you’ll learn about the people in your life profoundly.

People will feel heard by you, and they will feel understood and be grateful that someone is finally listening to them. They will want to be around you more. They will tell others how incredible you are and you’re likeability will expand.

CLICK HERE: Watch a video tutorial on the four steps of active listening, led by ALC founder Kay Walker

How to be likeable

How to be likeable …How to become the most sought after person in the room

How to be likeable

Learn the habits of exceptionally likeable people

Learn how to be an exceptionally likeable person…

It’s a scientifically proven fact that all people unconsciously answer two questions when they meet someone for the first time:

  1. Do I trust this person?
  2. Do I respect this person?

All people do this. When we trust, we feel safe. It’s linked to our base survival needs.

So where do you think you fall on the likeability scale? Think about for a moment.

Even if you self-rate fairly well, you are going to want to up your game in establishing trust and credibility with people you want to build relationships with. If you want to know how to be likeable – and for people to see that you are a trustworthy and credible person, who they must get to know – then you have found the right resource.

To cut to the chase and get our downloadable magic laws of likability,  it’s free here. Or grab our People Magnet Formula ebook on Amazon. (TIP: Free to Amazon Prime members.)

Or read on…

Here are some things you can do to learn how to be likeable:

How to be liked as soon as someone meets you

1. First and foremost, you need to be great with you

Likeable people are charismatic, engaging and curious.

Likable people are charismatic, engaging and curious.

Consider that your relationship with yourself is your foundation to everything. If you don’t trust or believe in yourself than no one else will. Likable people like themselves!

So, focusing on building and nourishing a great relationship with you is paramount for your success in all areas of life.

When you’re good with you, people will feel your vibe. They’ll feel they can trust you immediately. You’ll exude confidence and be someone other people like to be around.

2.Do what you say you’ll do like it’s a law

Honor your word. When you tell someone you’re going to be somewhere at a certain time or do something, DO IT!

When a challenge arises and you can’t do what you said you’d do, as soon as you realize the issue, communicate about it and re-promise. Be someone people can depend on because it’s rare. It’s a simple way to immediately show that you’re someone others can count on.

3.Use your body to express warmth and approachability

Use body language signals to express that you’re inviting and friendly. Don’t cross your arms or legs. Smile. When you’re listening to people lean in or nod your head to show you’re listening to them.

And dress polished too. You may also want to consider you’re unique style because they way you dress attracts specific people.

4.Be hyper-curious

The secret to how to be likeable is to be charismatic. Charisma is a quality unique to likeable people.They get highly engaged in others and they focus on them. Let people you’re with lead the conversation. When they speak, be highly interested and engage them. Make them feel as if what they are saying is magical. Not in a fake way. Really find something intriguing in what they are saying and get curious about it. Listen carefully. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone is fascinating. Find out what makes them tick. They will walk away feeling listened to and experience that you really care – and they will like you.

5.Be authentic and truthful

Great people can easily detect liars and inauthenticity. So to learn how to be liked, one of the traits you need to take on is be open and honest. There’s nothing to hide.

Admit to your mistakes when you make them. We all make mistakes and when you are honest about them, you show you’re someone that can be trusted. Tell on yourself. Here’s a quick example: “Not very many  people know this, but I was fired from my first  job. But I kind of deserved it.  After that I smartened up. But what I learn from that was…”

Use these five tactics and you’ll be instantly likeable.

And, if you’re someone who wants to be seen as extraordinary in business and life you’ll want to grab this free PDF guide: 11 Laws of Likeability. It’ll have you make incredible first and lasting impressions with everyone you meet.

How to be liked