Category Archives: quarter life crisis

how to get a life that inspires you

How to get a life that inspires you

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Take a moment right now to take stock of your current life. Are you inspired? Does every aspect of your life align with what you authentically want and value? Do you wake up most days and think: “Pinch me! Is this really my life?”. Or have you been feeling a little less enthused or frustrated with one or more aspects of your life lately? Read on to learn how to get a life that inspires you and how to start the journey today.

how to get a life that inspires you

How to get a life that inspires you

Most people are conditioned to believe they need to achieve things to be successful. That the job will make them happy. Or the relationship. Or more money and wealth. Most people learn to be externally gratified. It’s ingrained in our culture. We learn to feel good about ourselves when we receive external gratification and this happens from a very young age. We feel happy with ourselves when we achieve the A+ grade. Or because we have a certain brand of clothing. Or because we look a certain way, or live in a specific area.

Thinking this way will certainly land you into a life that may look “successful” but isn’t fulfilling. It’s possible to be successful and not fulfilled. This happens when you’re focused on what you need to achieve and not from a place of considering: “What do I want to EXPERIENCE in my life?”

Being fulfilled is an emotional experience. So the best way to build a life that inspires you, one that you love, is to consider what you want from an experiential level versus thinking using your rational mind. Before you go after what you think you want, you want to shut down your rational thinking process (your left brain thinking) and tune into your emotional side (your right brain thinking).

What you can do today to move closer to your dream life…

Step 1: Decide what you want using your right brain thinking processes and your emotions to guide you

The key to building a life you love is to key into your deep desires and passions, and once again, to think from an emotional level by asking the question: “What do I want to experience?”

You can turn your rational thinking processes down by daydreaming. Imagine what you want in all areas of your life. Take some quiet time to think by yourself. Ask yourself “What do I want to experience in my career?…relationships?…physical health?… And then, daydream about what you want. Step into what you think you’d like to experience in your mind. Start to build a framework. Really try to feel what it would be like to be in your future, experiencing what you want.

You’ll get excited. You’ll get moved deeply. You’ll feel emotionally ignited when you start to build a future that inspires you. When you feel excited and moved by something you imagine it’s a signal that this is something you’d really like to experience and a goal you should move towards.

Here’s the incredible thing about visualizing: Your brain doesn’t know the difference between you imagining doing something and actually physically doing it! This means, you could take a bite of a juicy orange fresh from a tree or imagine it and you would salivate. Your brain goes through the same mental processes.

So, seeing a future you want is the first step to deciding what you really want. Once you know in your heart what excites you and a goal you want to move towards then you can do the next most important step.

Step 2: Get rational and realistic about where you are and what you need to do next

Once you’ve imagined and explored what you want (in as specific terms as possible) and you’ve decided on what it is, then you need to get realistic about it. When you think rationally, you’ll pull your left brain thinking processes back into the picture. This is an important part of the process because now you start to see how your dreams could be realized in reality.

At this point, it’s time to consider where you’d like to be in the near future – the goals you’d like to achieve – and contrast it with where you are now. It’s important to evaluate where you are and where you’d like to get to using measurable and specific variables.

For instance, let’s say you want to lose 15 lbs in three months. If you’re 200 lbs now, then within 15 lbs to have met your goal you’d be 185 lbs. Once you have measurements you’ll need to ask yourself: “What structures do I need to put in to realize this goal?”

In this case, perhaps you’d need to enroll in a fitness class or learn new ways to eat.Consider what you need and schedule in times to take the actions that will get you the result you want.

Creating a structure – planning, scheduling work – is critical to achieving what you want with velocity. So write your thoughts down. Start to build a framework. Set aside a bit of time (30 minutes is really all you need) of quiet time to plan and review your plan each week.

Step 3: Take action

Do you spend more time thinking about what you want to achieve or taking the actions to actually get it? Most people get too caught up in introspection – thinking about what they might want or what happened in the past – versus getting into action.

Remember that actions = results. No action = no results!

Once you start taking action towards your dreams – even if it’s a very minor action – you’ll start to get excited and feel amazing. At that point, you’ll feel more energized and compelled to take more actions.

Taking action is also the fastest way to know if your plan works. Are you doing the right things to get what you want or do you need to change it up? It’s also important that you notice what you’re doing and if it’s working or not. A great strategy always involves reviewing and tweaking. Use action as a metric to rate your progress.

Step 4: Be persistent, stay committed and keep your “eye on the prize”

How do you be persistent? Well, it’s starts with deeply wanting your dream. When you know to 100% that you want to achieve a dream, to experience an aspect of your life in a specific way then it’ll be harder for you not to go after your dream. You’ll feel compelled. Anytime you consider quitting you’ll get more determined.

When you’re working towards achieving a dream and you’re in the process of building, it’s most important you keep yourself motivated by focusing daily on the outcomes you’re committed to achieving. What is it that you want? More importantly, WHY do you want it? What’s the reason you’re doing all this?

It helps to create a “Why List”. Write down all the reasons you want what you want. Make it exhaustive. Do this at the beginning when you decide you want something. Anytime you don’t feel motivated you can go back to your list. You can remind yourself of why you are doing what you’re doing. This will help fuel you into action. It will help you stay focused and committed.

Let’s say you’re working to get a startup off the ground and that the potential of the startup will make a difference for the world and make you millions. But let’s say you find yourself one day feeling really negative about everything you’re day. Maybe you’ve been working on this start up for three years. Maybe you’re uncertain it will ever go the way you want. Well, in that moment it’s critical you reflect on why you’re doing what you’re doing.

What are the reasons you want what you want? Maybe you want millions so you can build a family or be involved in more projects that change the world. Maybe at the point you’re at, you simply like money so you can afford a better way of life? Consider all the whys. Make an exhaustive list. This will help you stay motivated.

We are meant to be inspired by our lives. We are meant to make a difference. We are meant to contribute. Realizing all this starts with you. It’s starts with you being fulfilled. It starts with you saying: “That’s it. I’m living this life and putting my fulfillment first.”

Being inspired is what life’s all about. If you’re not fulfilled or working towards what you want you’re stagnating. Remember that progress = happiness. When you’re moving towards what you want you’ll feel invigorated and fulfilled. Start today. Getting a life that inspires you starts now and it starts with you.

The first action might be just to do Step 1 of this list. Then, keep going. You got this. And your dreams are possible.

Feeling lost in your 20s? You can free yourself quickly

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Feeling lost in your 20s? You can free yourself quickly and maybe quicker than you think. The tips below may inspire you to take some new actions so you can get yourself to a place of feeling better fast.

Feeling lost in your 20s

Feeling lost in your 20s is kind of normal

Feeling lost in your 20s is (unfortunately) part of the process

If you’re feeling lost you might be feeling embarrassed about it, or like you’re being ridiculous. Aren’t the 20s supposed to be some of the best years of your life? You’ve got a bright future ahead of you. You’ve got your youth. And most 20-year olds are also in great physical health. You should be feeling grateful and excited not feeling lost. Right? 

The answer to that is: NO! Feeling lost in your 20s is part of the process. You’re still figuring your life out. Most 20-year olds don’t have it all together. Most have bouts of uncertainty about their direction in life. Take a moment to tell yourself to breathe and chill out. It’s okay to be feeling lost in your 20s. It’s also not that hard to find yourself again.

Here’s why you are feeling lost in your 20s…

Statistically, the occurrence of feeling lost in your 20s is growing rapidly. This is due to a variety of factors but the biggest reason is the Internet. It has changed the way people live and work globally. It’s opened up so many pathways of opportunity. If you’re in you’re 20s your bound to be confused and more than previous generations were.

You’d think having more options would be a good think. You’d think it would give you freedom but that’s not true. Options complicate things. Too much information coming at you warps your energy. It makes you confused. This is why feeling lost in your 20s is a growing experience. There’s a name for it: The Quarter Life Crisis. And you can experience a quarter life crisis anywhere form 20-40 and multiple times!

Feeling lost in your 20s can feel isolating because you think you shouldn’t feel that way. Most people don’t share openly about feeling lost which is why it’s not often talked about. But feeling lost is 100% normal. So take that too heart. It might help to remember that you’re not alone.

How to free yourself when you’re feeling lost in your 20s….

Accept the process

The first thing to do when you’re feeling lost in your 20s is to accept that feeling lost happens. It’s happening to you now. It will likely happen again. Periods of feeling lost is a human experience. Life is not perfect. There are ebbs and flow to the journey. When you’re lost, simply consider that you’re in an ebb period and you’re on your way to clarity. It will come. This time will pass. The way you feel will pass. It’s inevitable.

After you normalize what you’re going through by owning that this is part of the process for everyone then you can take some actions to feel better as soon as possible, gain clarity and jump back into action.

Ask yourself these questions…

It might be time for you to ask yourself some deeper questions about your role in this world and what you want to do with your life. When you answer these questions it will help you formulate future you’d like to see yourself achieve. When you decide what you want and you begin taking action you’ll feel much better. The questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling lost in your 20s are:

1) What do you want your life to be about?

2) What you want to contribute to this world?

3) What do you want to experience in life?  

These are the questions to start to consider. You may have some answers. Or you may not. It doesn’t matter whether you have answers or not. What matters is that you start to think and get curious about these things. Start exploring and researching options conceptually. Start visualizing your future and thinking about what you’d like it to contain.

What do you love to do now? 

What are you passionate about?

Answer these questions and start taking actions in that direction. Let your passions, your heart, your deep desires lead you and figure out how to fit the rational pieces in. For instance, if you want to be a musician go be a musician! But if you also want to make money figure out how to combine those two things. The easiest way is to find someone who is doing what you want to do. Start learning, start modeling them. It’s definitely a place to start.  But remember: Passion first, logistics second.

Do lots of different things

Explore. Dip your toe in new experiences. Think about what you’d like to do and try. Then, take ACTION. Go try them. Test the waters. The sooner you are able to discern what you want and don’t want the sooner you’ll see a clear path. Don’t stay in your box. Get outside yourself! You’re options are limited by what you know. And so, be in the pursuit of gaining new knowledge. It will give you an edge. It will help you see the direction you want to go in.

Go to work on you

In a world that conditions us that success is about external validation, the best thing you can do at this time in your life is go to work on you. Learn how to communicate like a master. Discover how to become influential. Learn how to control your emotions. This is what truly gives you the power in life to do anything.

Emotional intelligence training – focusing on building your personal skills of thinking and communication – will allow you to achieve anything you want. When you work on your own personal power you take that power everywhere you go. You experience a new way of living. You learn what success really is.

Tap into the resources around you, seek out new ones. Learn how to generate ideas. Discover how make money from ideas (aka build businesses)

And then, learn how to shift your emotions so when you feel bad you can flip the switch to feeling good. It’s powerful and it will give you strength when you are confused and feeling lost in your 20s.

You can start now. Start here. Go read some articles or grab so free personal development tools. If you want more info on quarter life crisis, grab this: Quarter Life Crisis ebook – free copy 

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Feeling lost and confused? How to free yourself

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Feeling lost and confused happens to everyone one or more times (usually more)  in their life. It’s an excruciating experience. Being directionless is mentally agonizing. This is because when you have no plan for your future because you’re unclear about your next steps, you’ll be paralyzed when it comes to taking action and making progress. You’ll feel and be totally stuck. So what do you do to gain some mental relief? How do you free yourself from feeling lost and confused? Read on…

Feeling lost and confused

Feeling lost and confused?

Feeling lost and confused? How to free yourself

Like a seasoned surfer that surfs the waves you need to do the same. You’d never see a surfer trying to surf against the wave, against the current? That would be illogical. It would be totally ridiculous.

So the first thing to do when you’re feeling lost and confused is allow yourself to feel that way. Don’t resist it. Just be in the space of being lost and confused. Do your best to stop trying to solve your problem. You will want to because people are inquisitive. Humans like to know WHY. We like to solve things, especially our problems. Though, when you find yourself trying to force yourself out of feeling lost you’ll make it worse.

The first thing to do is to get that you feel lost and confused right now. Know that it’ll will pass soon. Surrender to how you feel. Continue to engage in your regular life. Do your best to relieve your mental agony by pursuing activities you enjoy. Having some fun just for the sake of it is a good way to handle feeling lost and confused.

Consider what you used to do for fun when you were a kid. Paint? Sing? Dance? Play a sport? Pick one activity and go do it. It’ll connect you to you and may drum up some inspiration. It might even be the thing that frees you.

Feeling lost vs. feeling lost and confused and totally in the dark!

There are two types of feeling lost. Sometimes you find yourself feeling lost simply because you haven’t decided what your next actions are. Sometimes it takes simply considering your options and choosing your next action. When you start to take new actions you’ll feel better. You’ll gain traction.

But sometimes, it’s far worse. You feel lost and totally and utterly confused. No matter what you try to do you have no idea where you’re going in life. The more you try and solve the problem, the more you entertain ideas and mentally visualize possible futures, the less clear you feel. The experience is one of being completely in the dark or in a fog in your mind. You question everything. You question your future, your past, the actions your taking now. It feels like a full on existential crisis.

There’s a term for feeling lost and confused that many spiritual leaders use: “the dark night of the soul”. When you’re in a dark night period it’s suggested that it’s because you come out of a major period of personal transformation (many times it comes after a major personal failure or loss). It’s like you’re shedding a piece of who you used to be and a new, more advanced and full of wisdom you is going to emerge.

What this means, is the dark night stage you’re experiencing is a GOOD THING even if it doesn’t feel like it.

What to do about feeling lost and confused

Once again, the best way to get through it is to surrender and wait it out. It’ll pass. The sooner you surrender the faster you’ll speed the process. The faster you’ll get to feeling great again. And when you are feeling great you will be bursting with ideas and inspiration and power!

Surrendering doesn’t sound fun though, does it? Especially when it feels so excruciating when you don’t know what to do. Or if you are depressed. So how do you relieve the mental agony? Here are three tips…

Step 1: Believe in something bigger than yourself

Anytime you feel yourself being pulled down by the negative emotions you’re going through that’s when you have to dig deep and conjure up some major belief. Believe that this stage will pass like all other periods in your life. Emotions are transient. They don’t last forever even it feels like they will.

Believe that when the fog clears you’ll wake up one day with major inspiration. Believe that a more powerful you is emerging. If you’re able to grasp onto these beliefs it will help. If these beliefs don’t work for you think of some empowering ones to have. You might want to simply keep saying to yourself :”this will pass soon”.

Step 2: Be a tad more selfish than usual

Do what you got to do to feel better. That might mean sleeping in one day (or more than just one). It might mean having some alone time away from friends and family. It might mean sitting on the couch watching reality TV and eating some ice cream and crying. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions. Don’t indulge them but feel them. Let yourself purge. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Let yourself be human.

It’s okay to fall off your “keeping it all together wagon” sometimes. Just don’t get stuck in it. DON’T pity yourself. DON’T be a negative tornado around other people. And communicate with the people you love. Tell them: “I’m feeling a bit directionless and uncertain right now I might need to have more alone time than I usually do so I can work through it”, or “I’m sorting out what’s next for me and it doesn’t feel great. If I’m being too negative please know I’m working through something and it’s not about you. I won’t feel bad if you need some space away from me right now”.

DO take positive actions – like going for a massage or taking a bath – to lesson the emotional sting. Go an get lost in an activity.

Step 3: Ask empowering questions

You’re in control of what you say to yourself and other people. Be aware of what you ask yourself. Most people in a dark night stage find themselves asking questions like:

  • “Why is this happening”
  • “Why me?”
  • “It’s all their fault”
  • “Will this ever end?”
  • “Am I depressed”.

If you ask yourself a disempowering question you will get a disempowering answer. You’ll reinforce your negative swirl.

Instead, ask: What’s next for me?

A better question to ask is: “what’s next for me?”, “Universe (or whatever God you believe in), what would you have me do right now?”. Ask positive questions. And remember: The quality of your questions match the quality of the response you get.

If you’re feeling lost and confused, today take one action forward. Action is the fastest way out of feeling lost. Any action. Action equals new results and it will move you forward when you’re stuck. So, if you cling to any advice in this article let it be this: Take one new action.

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early midlife crisis

Early midlife crisis? No, it’s called a quarter life crisis

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early midlife crisisThe difference between a Quarter-Life Crisis and a Midlife Crisis

If you’ve ever experienced feelings of confusion, frustration, and uncertainty regarding your life, it may feel like an early midlife crisis. But if you are in your 20s or 30s, it’s called a quarter life crisis.

Many people are familiar with the term midlife crisis as it relates to people who want a life change after years of commitment.

But how does a midlife crisis differ from a quarter-life crisis? Let’s explore that.

Age of Crisis Occurrence

The first major difference between a quarter-life and mid-life crisis has to do with the age at which it occurs. The mid-life crisis typically occurs for people in their 40s and 50s, when they start noticing how they have physically and mentally changed since the first stage of their lives. A quarter-life crisis, on the other hand, happens between the ages of 20 and 40 as a person becomes aware of the uncertainty that lies ahead.

Causes of the Crises

The term “midlife crisis” has been around since the 1960s. In those days it was common for individuals to start their careers early, and stick with a job for a substantial amount of time. These workers were relatively satisfied with their lives until they reached a certain age. Then they came to see they were being replaced or pushed out by the younger generation. Increases in health problems and a loss of youthful vigor start to sink in for people in their 40s and 50s. These thoughts cause stress. And, they can directly motivate actions that signify a mid-life crisis.

Changes in career trends and the way people communicate have opened the door for the quarter-life crisis. This is perhaps why the millennials are the first generation to fully experience the quarter-life crisis on a widespread basis.

Young adults are now forced to make serious decisions about their lives at a younger age, and there is an increased pressure for success caused, in part, by a comparisons to others’ social media accounts.

The global marketplace is rapidly expanding and technology is speeding up every aspect of our lives. It can feel overwhelming for those attempting to design a life plan. It can be hard to overcome a quarter-life crisis, but the first step is to recognize the signs.

Midlife crisis vs quarter life crisis

Quarter-life and midlife crises are subjective, so people will react in different ways and experience different emotions depending on personality and circumstance.

A midlife crisis is characterized by realizations that life is fleeting, and feelings of dissatisfaction with the current state of things. Those with a mid-life crisis may act out by cheating on their spouse or purchasing items that make them feel reckless, such as expensive sports cars.

Many mid-lifers have increased concern for their health and take up new habits to get in better shape. Sufferers may make attempts to look and feel younger. They might seek out plastic surgery, new clothes, hair implants, or develop a sudden interest in nightlife.

Signs of a quarter life crisis

Alternatively, typical signs of the quarter-life crisis include attempts to buckle down and get serious about the next moves in your life.  Young adults feel pressure to be both sustainably happy and successful. This is perhaps due to the fear of getting stuck with a mid-life crisis down the road.

They could feel as though they have wasted time or money working toward something that is not satisfying or fulfilling their goals. Many people with a quarter-life crisis get trapped by the paradox of choice. They have so many options available, so choosing the right one seems nearly impossible.

Lastly, people experiencing a quarter life crisis may feel regretful about the time they’ve spent having fun. They may have also developed a desire to make a real impact on the world.

Whatever the causes and signs of the crisis, it can be comforting to know you are not alone. It’s perfectly normal to have feelings of uncertainty as a young adult or fears of fleeting youth later on. If you are experiencing the signs of a quarter-life crisis, take the quarter life crisis quiz. Or read more about what a quarter life crisis might look and feel like, and what to do about it.