Category Archives: Fear

Feeling lost in your 20s? You can free yourself quickly

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Feeling lost in your 20s? You can free yourself quickly and maybe quicker than you think. The tips below may inspire you to take some new actions so you can get yourself to a place of feeling better fast.

Feeling lost in your 20s

Feeling lost in your 20s is kind of normal

Feeling lost in your 20s is (unfortunately) part of the process

If you’re feeling lost you might be feeling embarrassed about it, or like you’re being ridiculous. Aren’t the 20s supposed to be some of the best years of your life? You’ve got a bright future ahead of you. You’ve got your youth. And most 20-year olds are also in great physical health. You should be feeling grateful and excited not feeling lost. Right? 

The answer to that is: NO! Feeling lost in your 20s is part of the process. You’re still figuring your life out. Most 20-year olds don’t have it all together. Most have bouts of uncertainty about their direction in life. Take a moment to tell yourself to breathe and chill out. It’s okay to be feeling lost in your 20s. It’s also not that hard to find yourself again.

Here’s why you are feeling lost in your 20s…

Statistically, the occurrence of feeling lost in your 20s is growing rapidly. This is due to a variety of factors but the biggest reason is the Internet. It has changed the way people live and work globally. It’s opened up so many pathways of opportunity. If you’re in you’re 20s your bound to be confused and more than previous generations were.

You’d think having more options would be a good think. You’d think it would give you freedom but that’s not true. Options complicate things. Too much information coming at you warps your energy. It makes you confused. This is why feeling lost in your 20s is a growing experience. There’s a name for it: The Quarter Life Crisis. And you can experience a quarter life crisis anywhere form 20-40 and multiple times!

Feeling lost in your 20s can feel isolating because you think you shouldn’t feel that way. Most people don’t share openly about feeling lost which is why it’s not often talked about. But feeling lost is 100% normal. So take that too heart. It might help to remember that you’re not alone.

How to free yourself when you’re feeling lost in your 20s….

Accept the process

The first thing to do when you’re feeling lost in your 20s is to accept that feeling lost happens. It’s happening to you now. It will likely happen again. Periods of feeling lost is a human experience. Life is not perfect. There are ebbs and flow to the journey. When you’re lost, simply consider that you’re in an ebb period and you’re on your way to clarity. It will come. This time will pass. The way you feel will pass. It’s inevitable.

After you normalize what you’re going through by owning that this is part of the process for everyone then you can take some actions to feel better as soon as possible, gain clarity and jump back into action.

Ask yourself these questions…

It might be time for you to ask yourself some deeper questions about your role in this world and what you want to do with your life. When you answer these questions it will help you formulate future you’d like to see yourself achieve. When you decide what you want and you begin taking action you’ll feel much better. The questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling lost in your 20s are:

1) What do you want your life to be about?

2) What you want to contribute to this world?

3) What do you want to experience in life?  

These are the questions to start to consider. You may have some answers. Or you may not. It doesn’t matter whether you have answers or not. What matters is that you start to think and get curious about these things. Start exploring and researching options conceptually. Start visualizing your future and thinking about what you’d like it to contain.

What do you love to do now? 

What are you passionate about?

Answer these questions and start taking actions in that direction. Let your passions, your heart, your deep desires lead you and figure out how to fit the rational pieces in. For instance, if you want to be a musician go be a musician! But if you also want to make money figure out how to combine those two things. The easiest way is to find someone who is doing what you want to do. Start learning, start modeling them. It’s definitely a place to start.  But remember: Passion first, logistics second.

Do lots of different things

Explore. Dip your toe in new experiences. Think about what you’d like to do and try. Then, take ACTION. Go try them. Test the waters. The sooner you are able to discern what you want and don’t want the sooner you’ll see a clear path. Don’t stay in your box. Get outside yourself! You’re options are limited by what you know. And so, be in the pursuit of gaining new knowledge. It will give you an edge. It will help you see the direction you want to go in.

Go to work on you

In a world that conditions us that success is about external validation, the best thing you can do at this time in your life is go to work on you. Learn how to communicate like a master. Discover how to become influential. Learn how to control your emotions. This is what truly gives you the power in life to do anything.

Emotional intelligence training – focusing on building your personal skills of thinking and communication – will allow you to achieve anything you want. When you work on your own personal power you take that power everywhere you go. You experience a new way of living. You learn what success really is.

Tap into the resources around you, seek out new ones. Learn how to generate ideas. Discover how make money from ideas (aka build businesses)

And then, learn how to shift your emotions so when you feel bad you can flip the switch to feeling good. It’s powerful and it will give you strength when you are confused and feeling lost in your 20s.

You can start now. Start here. Go read some articles or grab so free personal development tools. If you want more info on quarter life crisis, grab this: Quarter Life Crisis ebook – free copy 

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Feeling lost and confused? How to free yourself

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Feeling lost and confused happens to everyone one or more times (usually more)  in their life. It’s an excruciating experience. Being directionless is mentally agonizing. This is because when you have no plan for your future because you’re unclear about your next steps, you’ll be paralyzed when it comes to taking action and making progress. You’ll feel and be totally stuck. So what do you do to gain some mental relief? How do you free yourself from feeling lost and confused? Read on…

Feeling lost and confused

Feeling lost and confused?

Feeling lost and confused? How to free yourself

Like a seasoned surfer that surfs the waves you need to do the same. You’d never see a surfer trying to surf against the wave, against the current? That would be illogical. It would be totally ridiculous.

So the first thing to do when you’re feeling lost and confused is allow yourself to feel that way. Don’t resist it. Just be in the space of being lost and confused. Do your best to stop trying to solve your problem. You will want to because people are inquisitive. Humans like to know WHY. We like to solve things, especially our problems. Though, when you find yourself trying to force yourself out of feeling lost you’ll make it worse.

The first thing to do is to get that you feel lost and confused right now. Know that it’ll will pass soon. Surrender to how you feel. Continue to engage in your regular life. Do your best to relieve your mental agony by pursuing activities you enjoy. Having some fun just for the sake of it is a good way to handle feeling lost and confused.

Consider what you used to do for fun when you were a kid. Paint? Sing? Dance? Play a sport? Pick one activity and go do it. It’ll connect you to you and may drum up some inspiration. It might even be the thing that frees you.

Feeling lost vs. feeling lost and confused and totally in the dark!

There are two types of feeling lost. Sometimes you find yourself feeling lost simply because you haven’t decided what your next actions are. Sometimes it takes simply considering your options and choosing your next action. When you start to take new actions you’ll feel better. You’ll gain traction.

But sometimes, it’s far worse. You feel lost and totally and utterly confused. No matter what you try to do you have no idea where you’re going in life. The more you try and solve the problem, the more you entertain ideas and mentally visualize possible futures, the less clear you feel. The experience is one of being completely in the dark or in a fog in your mind. You question everything. You question your future, your past, the actions your taking now. It feels like a full on existential crisis.

There’s a term for feeling lost and confused that many spiritual leaders use: “the dark night of the soul”. When you’re in a dark night period it’s suggested that it’s because you come out of a major period of personal transformation (many times it comes after a major personal failure or loss). It’s like you’re shedding a piece of who you used to be and a new, more advanced and full of wisdom you is going to emerge.

What this means, is the dark night stage you’re experiencing is a GOOD THING even if it doesn’t feel like it.

What to do about feeling lost and confused

Once again, the best way to get through it is to surrender and wait it out. It’ll pass. The sooner you surrender the faster you’ll speed the process. The faster you’ll get to feeling great again. And when you are feeling great you will be bursting with ideas and inspiration and power!

Surrendering doesn’t sound fun though, does it? Especially when it feels so excruciating when you don’t know what to do. Or if you are depressed. So how do you relieve the mental agony? Here are three tips…

Step 1: Believe in something bigger than yourself

Anytime you feel yourself being pulled down by the negative emotions you’re going through that’s when you have to dig deep and conjure up some major belief. Believe that this stage will pass like all other periods in your life. Emotions are transient. They don’t last forever even it feels like they will.

Believe that when the fog clears you’ll wake up one day with major inspiration. Believe that a more powerful you is emerging. If you’re able to grasp onto these beliefs it will help. If these beliefs don’t work for you think of some empowering ones to have. You might want to simply keep saying to yourself :”this will pass soon”.

Step 2: Be a tad more selfish than usual

Do what you got to do to feel better. That might mean sleeping in one day (or more than just one). It might mean having some alone time away from friends and family. It might mean sitting on the couch watching reality TV and eating some ice cream and crying. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions. Don’t indulge them but feel them. Let yourself purge. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Let yourself be human.

It’s okay to fall off your “keeping it all together wagon” sometimes. Just don’t get stuck in it. DON’T pity yourself. DON’T be a negative tornado around other people. And communicate with the people you love. Tell them: “I’m feeling a bit directionless and uncertain right now I might need to have more alone time than I usually do so I can work through it”, or “I’m sorting out what’s next for me and it doesn’t feel great. If I’m being too negative please know I’m working through something and it’s not about you. I won’t feel bad if you need some space away from me right now”.

DO take positive actions – like going for a massage or taking a bath – to lesson the emotional sting. Go an get lost in an activity.

Step 3: Ask empowering questions

You’re in control of what you say to yourself and other people. Be aware of what you ask yourself. Most people in a dark night stage find themselves asking questions like:

  • “Why is this happening”
  • “Why me?”
  • “It’s all their fault”
  • “Will this ever end?”
  • “Am I depressed”.

If you ask yourself a disempowering question you will get a disempowering answer. You’ll reinforce your negative swirl.

Instead, ask: What’s next for me?

A better question to ask is: “what’s next for me?”, “Universe (or whatever God you believe in), what would you have me do right now?”. Ask positive questions. And remember: The quality of your questions match the quality of the response you get.

If you’re feeling lost and confused, today take one action forward. Action is the fastest way out of feeling lost. Any action. Action equals new results and it will move you forward when you’re stuck. So, if you cling to any advice in this article let it be this: Take one new action.

You may also want to read:

How to fail at almost everything and still win big

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Most people don’t want to fail. That’s because society conditions us to see failure as bad and something to avoid. This is not the case. Failure is not bad. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good either.

I’m certainly not urging you to go fail. But what I am urging you to do is be realistic. You can’t avoid failure.

Failure is inevitable. You can’t escape it. Think of it more as a law you can’t dispute, like gravity. Or like the wind or rain. Failure happens even if you try and avoid it there are so many variables in life you can’t control.

When you think of failure as good or bad this is the subjective filter you your circumstances through. So you decide what you want failure to mean and how you want to relate to it.

How to fail at almost everything and still win big

You can’t avoid failure, and you shouldn’t try. This doesn’t mean you should take giant risks. You still want to try and mitigate major failures, because anytime you fail in a massive way, your brain captures the moment, stores it and will do everything in its power to have you not suffer the experience again.

So, here are my five rules for how to fail at almost everything and still win big…

how to fail at almost everything and still win big

Rule #1: Fail small

You want to fail small. Focus on incremental progress. The actions you take in pursuit of the major goals you’re out to achieve in life should be at the edge of what’s comfortable for you. Think: Expansion. Think: Growth.

Small failures won’t stop you. In many cases they will propel you forward into the next action. This is because if you’re willing to assess and learn from your failures, and the insights you gain from them, you will get closer to success. You start to see what to do from learning what not to do.

Which, brings me to my next rule for failing like a master…

Rule #2: Use every failure as a learning opportunity

Reshape your entire context of failure so you view it as a feedback mechanism to your progress. When you fail, all there is to do is look at what led to the failure. Then estimate what you need to succeed, and put that in for next time.

When you fail, you want to stop and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What outcome did I not achieve that I wanted to?
  2. Why? What action or structure was I missing? Speculate.
  3. What am I putting in place to improve the outcome next time.
  4. What valuable learning can I celebrate from this failure?

Sometimes a failure means you’re going the wrong way and you need to change your entire strategy. Sometimes a failure means you need to learn something new.

A failure can mean you’re very close and now you know the last thing you need to do to win.

When you look at failure as a way to assess your progress, you can look at what action led to the failure, and what you can do to improve as you continue to pursue your goal.

Rule #3: Depersonalize your failure

When you fail, step back and evaluate the circumstances. Take yourself out of the equation for a moment and look at the actions that led to the failure.

One of the biggest errors most people make when they fail at something is they personalize their failure with thoughts and language such as: “I failed”. Instead, focus on the failure as being a breakdown around the actions you took. You didn’t fail, an action you took failed. Sometimes it can be that you failed to insert a specific action.

For instance, let’s say you were in a long term relationship with someone you invested years with and considered marrying. One day the other person ends the relationship. You start to lament and think about all the things you did wrong and how you are a failure in relationships. You start to personalize the situation.

Instead of making the failure about you, depersonalize it. Look at the facts. What failed was the relationship, not you. And maybe you encouraged the relationship to fail, but it’s only because there were actions you took (or failed to take) that led to the breakdown. Your actions caused the failure, not you.

If you are having trouble wrapping your head around this, it helps to think of a baby learning to walk. If that baby stumbles and falls, is that baby a failure? No. The baby failed to walk. The baby isn’t an entire failure. It’s learning to achieve a complex task that it has never done before. You’re no different.

Rule#4: Bring empathy to the situation

Most people are really hard on themselves. I’ve learned this from coaching hundreds of people, and from listening to my own mental chatter. And this usually gets worse when we fail.

If you get mad at yourself when you fail it helps to remember to bring empathy to the situation. I learned this from the Dalai Lama.

When you start blaming and getting angry at yourself, step back and take a moment to relate to your situations with love, with kindness with self-compassion. Looking at yourself as a baby. A baby can do no wrong. Self kindness gives you energy strength and the will to keep going.

Healing comes through forgiving yourself, and being kind to yourself. Seeing what you did as something not to repeat. Or something to learn and grow from.

Negative self talk and blaming yourself is a choice. It’s something you need to train out of yourself. When you fail, go be by yourself, get quiet, love yourself.

Rule #5: Write a failure story

For cataclysmic failures you have trouble overcoming, use this trick I learned from Robert Steven Kaplan. He’s the former Senior Associate Dean and Professor of Management Practice at Harvard Business School, and currently the president and CEO of the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas.

When you have trouble getting over a failure write a failure story. Here is how: Write a short story about your failure that gets all your thoughts out on paper. Write about why you suck, why you’re a failure, and use intense emotions when you write it. Then, read the story to someone out loud. Eventually, as you read it, it becomes silly to you. It loses the emotional weight. (This might take a couple of repeated readings out loud.)

You will start to pull your emotions out of the failure, and see it as just a silly thing you can overcome.

I recommend doing this only when you have a lot of trouble overcoming a failure. You know, one that gnaws at you, and that you can’t let go.

Remember: A failure is only a failure if you see it as one. Let me repeat that: A failure is only a failure if you see it as one.

Your life is just a series of events. You’re born you take actions. The actions you take produce certain results and then get you closer or farther from where you want to go.

This thing called “failure” is a concept you were conditioned to believe in. In the world we live in, there’s an agreement of what success looks like. What’s not that is failure. So failure is really a belief you have about something that’s happened. And beliefs can be changed.

Conquer your fear of public speaking in 4 easy steps

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How to conquer a fear of public speaking

How to conquer a fear of public speaking -simply and easily

Public speaking terrifies most people, but it doesn’t have to. Study and implement the simple four-step process below and conquer fear of public speaking once and for all.

You will experience more freedom, fulfillment and self-expression than you ever have before.

But — a warning before you read on: Step 1 of the method below might scare you. Keep reading. Step 2, 3 and 4 make Step 1 easy.

And keep this in mind: Public speaking is the No.1 fear in the world. So to master it, will give you an edge over most people in all social situations.

Now, the term “public speaking” is open to interpretation, so let’s  first define it. Many people would say it’s the act of one person delivering a speech to a large group or audience.

However, any moment where you stand face-to-face in front of one or more people and you’re the only person talking is public speaking.

So talking to your neighbor Joe and his dog and son as you walk by him on the street also qualifies. Though that’s much less flashy. And it’s a smaller audience.

This means that most people will experience the fear of public speaking at least once in their life and likely many more than that. Experts say that to conquer fear of public speaking can seem to be one of the hardest things to do. The fear is also extremely common. What brings on the fear depends on the situation: Who you are speaking to and where you are speaking are the determining variables. This is why in certain situations the mere thought of communicating can paralyze you.

Conquer fear of public speaking: It’s actually not that hard

Why do we get so scared about talking to other people? Underneath this fear is a universal desire all humans possess: To be accepted. We all like to be liked. To fit in. (This is true even for people who pretend they don’t care what people think. These people have an even deeper fear so they protect themselves by pushing people away. But I digress.)

It’s an evolutionary process that’s hardwired into our species. Our ancestors survived because they learned to collaborate. The reverse, – being ostracized – was a death sentence.

Of course, it’s not like that today. If your communication offends people (usually) you’ll survive, but your biology still maintains its old reflexes. Your body has a built in trigger that alerts you to threats in your environment. Sometimes you’re aware of this behavior sometimes you’re not.

If you manage to speak while still deathly afraid, you will likely experience a mix of physical symptoms such as: sweating profusely; a rapid beating heart; stuttering. Which, doesn’t make for an engaging presentation for others.

Aside from these major annoyances, the affects on your life can be much worse, including:

  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Resentment
  • Frustration

…and a rather sad existence.

Now imagine if you were in complete control when you spoke? What would that be like? Imagine if you were a super confident casanova-style smooth talking speaker that charmed and engaged and inspired anyone you spoke to?

Now, here’s the critical tip about fear: It’s worth it to train yourself to master the fear long before you’re confronting it, or in full flop sweat crisis.

It may surprise you how easy a feat so daunting as learning how to control the world’s No.1 fear. Read the four step process. Take it on, and rock your life.

Steps to conquer fear of public speaking

Step 1: Book yourself a speaking gig

I warned you this first step would take a bit of courage, but stay with me on this. The steps to follow will make Step 1 a breeze.

Everyone’s an expert on some topic. If you don’t think you are ask someone who knows you really well.

Find a group you can speak to and book yourself a slot. This is a “throw your hat over the fence” approach, that will have you walk right into your fear and deal with it.

Sounds scary but it’s not if you follow steps 2, 3, and 4…

Step 2: Use this easy formula to plan an engaging talk

We’ve all experienced feeling trapped in a moment of time having to listen to a not-so engaging speaker. You know those instances when you feel rude to leave so you stay and put up with having to listen to someone? That’s what I’m talking about. It sucks listening to someone speak who doesn’t do it eloquently or at least make it interesting.

Don’t be that person.

Here’s how to prepare a presentation that doesn’t suck. When you practice this method you can use it in all your spoken communication – business meetings, telling stories at parties, at PTA meetings, etc.

Here’s what you need to do:

Before you present consider the quality of the message you’d like to convey. Ask yourself:

1. What outcome do I want to achieve by delivering this speech?
2. What key message would I like to convey?

Now, here’s how to go about writing your speech:

Use the formula expert copywriters use to write words that sell. The acronym is: AIDA. (I learned this from John Carlton, if you want to be an expert in words that sell read something by him or take one of his courses. What he teaches will blow your mind).

Attention – Initiate immediate engagement with your audience by speaking about a pain point they have.

Interest – Tell a story, share a nugget of information most people wouldn’t know. This develops intrigue.

Desire – Speak to what they are not doing about the pain point so to arouse their deep human urges to do something about it.

Action – Don’t leave people hanging. You’ve inspired them and they are excited, tell them do something.

 

Step 3: Practice delivering your talk over and over…and over

Read your talk aloud to yourself.

Read your talk to yourself in front of a mirror.

Read your talk in front of someone you are comfortable with (a spouse or good friend).

Conquer fear of public speaking by practicing in front of encouraging friends

Conquer fear of public speaking by practicing in front of encouraging friends

conquer fear of public speaking

Read  your talk for two or more people. Ask them for feedback. Tweak your talk if you need to.

(Here’s a bonus secret tip. Instruct them to be really interested in your speech and to cheer you on. Even though this may not be authentic. Do it as an exercise. You will be amazed at how easy it is to talk to a group that loves what you have to say and forgives any stumble.)

Practice your until you can do it without your script. When you know it that well you can into the realm of performance.

Then finally, perform it. Have fun with it. Be funny with it.

Deliver it from memory again and again and again.

Put on the clothes you would wear and deliver it again.

If you can practice in the location where you’ll be delivering what you need to say, do that.

Step 4: Turn on your confidence switch before you’re in performance

On the day of the speech, you don’t need to do any rehearsal work. At this point you should know it well. Most of the hard work to conquer fear of public speaking is done!

Instead, focus on what you need to do to mentally and physically feel good. Go for a walk or a run or get some exercise. Eat a healthy breakfast. Iron your shirt and shine your shoes. Get yourself into a state of feeling good.

As your performance nears you’ll likely start to feel some agitation, some anxiety, some nerves. Good! This helps you be in an state of alertness. If you find yourself succumbing to the negative physical cue that comes with pre-performance. Use one of these four methods:

  1. Visualize the outcome you desire. Close your eyes. Visualize yourself feeling confident, walking out on stage and being awesome.
  2. Use character modeling. Character modeling is a tool I teach that allows you to step out of yourself and into the shoes of someone you consider to be an expert. You can put on their characteristics like putting on a suit.
  3. Breathe. If you’re having trouble managing physical symptoms close your eyes and separate yourself from your physical surroundings then breath. If you can do this for a few moments you’ll calm your natural biological tendencies that happen when you’re in a fear state.
  4. Ground yourself in your burning desires, your commitments. Simply thinking about what you are committed to can have you shift your focus from the present moment to the outcome you are looking to achieve.

After your talk the only thing to do is evaluate your performance. Look for ways you can improve. What’s most important is that you then book yourself another speaking engagement. Each time you speak in front of a group you will reduce your fear. Keep practicing. The added bonus: As you share your words you’ll inspire people to do the same and to take action from whatever it is you talk about. That’s the beauty of communication and expressing yourself.

If you want more extensive tips on conquering fear – including your desire to conquer fear of public speaking – or to manage different types of fear you may face, you’ll want to grab this quick free fear-stomping guide: 12 Ways to Be Confident On-Demand

 

 

Build confidence on demand

3 ways to be confident on demand

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How to be confident on demand

How to be confident on demand

Let’s face it, when you are confident about yourself (and your abilities), it feels amazing. I’m sure you’d agree with that statement. In moments of confidence, we feel invincible, and we act accordingly.

On the flip side, a lack of confidence gets in the way of your ability to seize major opportunities and express yourself in all areas of life.

In the book, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance, co-authors Claire Shipman and Katty Kay  goes as far as to say that confidence is:

“life’s enabler — it is the quality that turns thoughts into action.”

And taking action is crucial. It’s one of the only ways you make progress in all areas of life.

Without confidence, you could end up living a very small unfulfilled life. And that’s not you. Well, it’s not anybody. All humans are meant to be involved in life. To have fun. To feel. To enjoy. To be fully self-expressed.

So, lack of confidence, no more!  Here are three methods you can use to gain confidence in any moment when you lose it. Use whichever one you like and feel works for a given situation.

There are two free tools you can grab below. A template for building your own Awesome You List and a guide called: 12 Ways to Be Confident On-Demand.

And if you think they are silly or seem weird the first time you try them, stay with them. You’ll abandon that they are “silly”, and will get the tremendous results using them.

Be Confident on Demand – 3 Easy Methods

#1 – Build yourself an ‘Awesome You’ list:

Spend some time alone building a list that expresses why you are an incredible person. Make sure you have the list handy, that you can pull it up easily from your mobile phone, for example.

In times where don’t feel confident step away from what you are doing and read your awesome you list. It will help you become grounded in how powerful you are and the contribution you have to give.

What’s important is that when you build the list you brag about all the great qualities you have and your accomplishments. Indulge your ego! Write down all the reasons why you believe you’re awesome.

It can be anything from: “I take great pride in the way I look. I love my long brown hair”, to “I’m proud of the business I built two years ago and how it’s succeeded”, to “I’m an incredible mother. I bake cookies for my son, I play with him everyday, I make an effort to be with him each day”.

Build an awesome you list

Build an “Awesome You” list

If you have trouble generating your list you can query someone you have a close relationship with. Ask them why you are great. They might be able to tell you better than you can tell yourself. And when they do, listen and don’t dispute what they say.

Humans are great at ruining their positives traits with negative thoughts. Don’t let those run the show. The entire point of the list is for it to be used as a tool that reminds of your strengths. It’s meant to be a personal “cheerleader” for you at all times.

Personally, I use my awesome you list before I speak or am interviewed or before I meet people for the first time. It helps me shake off the nerves and reminds me that I am a valuable asset to all situations.

#2 – Character Modeling:

Take on the characteristics of someone else

Take on the characteristics of someone you admire

What if you were in a moment where you lacked confidence and you could immediately shift from being you to being the person you think is the ideal person for that situation? Like, you’re about to step on stage but you’re a pile of nerves because you’re not a practiced live speaker. Perhaps, you’d love to be like Oprah Winfrey who has spent her life interacting with people and being on stage and on tv.

You can do that. You can step out of being you and take on the characteristics of someone else. Think of it as if you are putting on a suit, or role-playing. Here’s how:

Mentally take a moment to think about the person you’d like to be in that moment. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and visualize them and how they would behave in a similar situation. Then, mentally or on paper list the traits they exhibit that you admire.

Before you get into action, tell yourself you are going to be like that person. Alternatively, you can tell yourself you are going to model their traits. Anytime you lose confidence go back remind yourself of this.

If it helps, you can build an avatar – a detailed description – of how that person looks and behaves on paper. If have access to your avatar from anywhere you can remind yourself of the qualities you would like to exhibit.

Eventually, you’ll stop needing to put on your “character suit” because the behaviors you’ve been practicing are yours, because you’ve physically rewired your brain.

#3 – Visualizations: 

Your brain does not know the difference between you visualizing yourself taking action or physically taking action. The same pathways in the brain fire. The more a pathway is triggered the faster it speeds up. Which means, the action will become automatic to you and your body.

This means, you can mentally practice achieving any desired outcome. When you see yourself winning in your mind you’ll start to believe in yourself and become more confident.

So visualize a scenario where you see yourself being confident. You can visualize a performance many times prior to it. However, if you find yourself in a moment of weakness right before or during an activity, simply close your eyes for a few moments and see yourself achieving what you desire. In your minds eye, see yourself e confident on demand

For instance, if you’re standing behind a curtain waiting to go on stage and you’re feeling nervous, you can close your eyes and practice seeing yourself speaking eloquently in front of an engaged audience. When you step on stage the negative chatter will die and you’ll step into being confident.

These three confidence-boosting tactics can be used anytime, anywhere. Try them two or three times before you say they aren’t working for you. Get over the “this is silly, why am I doing this?” thoughts that you may have and do it anyway. You’ll love the results.

And, if you love what you’ve read here, grab this free guide: 12 Ways to Be Confident On-Demand.