Awesome Life Club

How to deal with people that don’t like you

I was recently asked this question through the “Ask Kay” coaching feature of this site:

There are people in my life that I know don’t like me, should I deal with them?  What should I do? Here was my response:

If there are people you know that don’t like you, how to deal with them is a choice you’ll need to make. But you have options.

First off, if you don’t come in contact with them on a regular basis, I suggest you avoid or remove them from your life.

Making this choice is fine. Sometimes it’s necessary. There are many people in this world that are negative and unwilling to do the work on themselves to make changes or to be aware of their behavior and how it impacts others.

And, there will always be people that don’t like you for no good reason, no matter how incredible you are. And maybe because you are incredible. So, if you don’t need to be around them, remove the negativity from your life.

But if they are in close proximity to you on a regular basis  – for instance, you work with them or have the same friends or you live close to one another – it’s helpful to be on good terms with one another.

In this case, it really is in your best interest to deal with the situation head on. If you can be amicable, you won’t have to be bothered by them or be annoyed whenever they are around you. You’ll also spare other people the frustration of dealing with you both when you are near one another.

How to deal with people that don’t like youHow to deal with people that don't like you

1. Create relatedness.

The simplest and most effective way to shift someone’s negative opinions about you and have them like and appreciate you is to create a connection with them. It’s easy to hate people we don’t see as like us. So, when you transcend the hatred by connecting over a shared experience it can change everything.

For instance, if you hate a coworker but you know you’re both mothers, you could share about an experience you’ve had struggling with your kid. This could prompt the other person to share. It may bring you closer to one another since you now understand each other more.

Building relatedness has the other person see you as a person or someone who is more like them versus “an idiot they can’t tolerate”.

2.  Find out why they don’t like you and be open to learning something about yourself that may lead to your own personal growth.

The person may have a valid reason not to like you. In which case, you might want to consider it. You may want to learn how to transform a quality about yourself to be more enjoyable to be around. It will help you create better connections in the future.

3. Send them love every day. 

Negative people are usually people who have been hurt by others in the past or are dealing with a lot of pain in their own lives or internal world (they talk negatively to themselves in their head).

Choose to spend little time with these people. When you come in contact with them, however, be exceptional with them. Be kind. Be generous. Choose to be an awesome human being with them. Every morning take a moment to think about them and silently send them some love and wish for the best for them.

It’s a way to shift your own frustrations about this person’s dislike of you and learn to be more empathetic.

In the end, remember that no matter who you are not everyone will always like you. It’s a reality of life. So stay grounded in your own awesomeness. Remind yourself of how great you are when these people pop into your life.

 https://awesomelifeclub.com/free-personal-life-coaching

How to overcome feelings of sadness

I’m often asked this question through the “Ask Kay” portal: When I feel sad how are some ways I can overcome this emotion? Here is my answer…

Sadness is natural and good and important an emotion to feel. It has its time and place, and it’s critical you let yourself  be sad when you need to instead of trying to distract yourself or avoid it.

Though, it doesn’t feel good to be sad for a really long time, so its natural to want to feel better as fast as possible.

Before you do anything, you might want to ask yourself: Why do I feel sad?

Listen to your internal answer to that question and then before you do anything accept how you feel. Accepting and acknowledging your authentic feelings is the first step in moving past them. You want to acknowledge how you feel, give yourself the clearance be okay with it, and then make a conscious choice to overcome it.

Sometimes you simply want to allow your self to be sad. Some people aren’t very good at doing this. They’ve learned to push this emotion away. But, there are times when it’s important and necessary to cry and sulk for a bit. So, you may want to let yourself do that first.

Nevertheless, here are some simple ways you can overcome feelings of sadness easily.

How to overcome feelings of sadness

1.Be grateful. You can’t be sad when your grateful. These two emotions can’t be felt at the same time. So a quick way to feel better is to be grateful.

How to overcome feelings of sadnessTake a moment to close your eyes and think of one or more things you are grateful for. It can be as simple as the heart beating in your chest or the tree outside. Gratitude is an easy way to get happy.

2.Go be with people. Spending time in an environment surrounded by people or actively engaged with people is often a great way to get happy. Interactions with people stimulate dopamine in the brain.

3.Go for a run or do some high intensity aerobic activity. Once again, this stimulates happy brain chemicals that last for hours after you workout.

4.Uncover the fear underlying the sadness. All intense emotions are rooted in fear. If you ask yourself: What’s the fear underlying these sad feelings, it can help you gain some clarity on the root of the cause of what’s making you sad. And sometimes, simply being aware of this can help you overcome it.

5. Create something to look forward to in your near future. Plan to do something you love later that day or in a few days, and then focus on that thing. Any time you start to feel sad again shift your thoughts to the fun time to come in your near future.

Ask yourself: Why do I feel sad? Then, listen to your answer. Once you define what’s causing the emotion you’ll be better able to decide what you need to deal with it.

FREE COACHING

How to get motivated to do things you need to do but don’t want to do

Are you wondering: How to get motivated to do things you to do but don’t want to do?

Don’t wait to get motivated. It won’t happen. That said, there techniques you can use to get inspired when you’re not in the mood. I’ve provided some simple techniques below.

But, before we get into it, here’s the other thing you need to understand about motivations and doing things you don’t want to do. You don’t need to be motivated to be in action.

Action and how you feel about an action are two separate things. Any time you’re waiting for a feeling to inspire you to do something, you’re wasting valuable time. Feelings come and go. This is true even when it comes to things we love to do.

Always ask yourself: What would I like to achieve here? In other words, what outcome are you committed to?

If you live in the world of your “feelings”, you are greatly limiting your potential.How to get motivated to do things you don't want to do

Here is an example:

A woman, who is an entrepreneur at heart, but works for a big company decides she’d like to start a business. It is something that would inspire her if she could achieve it. To make it happen, she has to wake up early and work at it before her day job five days a week.

Every morning she wakes up at 4AM, drags herself out of bed, and curses her existence.

As she starts her laptop,  she thinks about how she’d love to go back to bed. But she works anyway.

Six months – after working early mornings and weekends and more, she launches the business. In short order, the business does well and she makes enough money to quit her corporate job.

On her last day in cubicleland, she looks around her and gets her achievement. In the moment she is more powerful than she’s ever been before. She understands what it’s like to desire a goal she thought was unattainable.  She knows now what she’s made of. This is after months of not feeling like working most mornings.

Here’s the other thing she’s trained herself to do: Her brain and body are much better at getting into action faster than they used to be because she doesn’t wait to “feel like it”. This will translate to greater success in all areas of her life. (She could even train to run a marathon now.)

Bottom line: Take your focus off your feelings and get in action. And the feelings of awesomeness will follow!

To encourage yourself to be more excited about getting motivated around new project (or run a marathon, or even losing 10 lbs) there are three ways that may help:

How to get motivated to do things you need to do but don’t want to do

Method #1: Get really clear on what you desire and what your end goal is. Close your eyes, imagine you have what you want in the area of life you’re feeling uninspired to be in action in.

For example, if you’re at work and not feeling motivated to do a project you need to do, stop what you are doing in that moment and fast forward to your future. Close your eyes. Visualize what you’d like to achieve when this project is complete. Will it get you closer to a big successful product launch? Will you get to leave early from work that day? Or, maybe you will be happier and more satisfied in your life, because it will be behind you.

Get inspired about the outcome and what it will bring to your life.

Conjure up those feelings of awesomeness, then spring into action.

Method #2: Pair the activity you don’t want to do with something you love. For example, I hated running until I started listening to audiobooks when I run. Since I love to learn and never have enough time to read, running has now become my favorite time. And as a result, I’ve never been fitter.

Combine an activity that inspires you with one that doesn’t.  It will help you create new neural pathways that introduce feelings of enjoyment with the activity you don’t necessarily love to do. This will encourage you to be in action in all areas of life around things you need to do but may not feel like doing.

Method #3: Focus on incremental progress. Trying to do way too much is the biggest mistake people make. Start small. Break down the activity you are not motivated by into small chunks of work. Work slowly so you can hyper focus on what you’re doing.

Acknowledge the small progress you’re making. Don’t rush the process. Consistent ritual action is the key to success.

Train yourself to be motivated when you’re not is a skill. It requires practice. So be patient with yourself and try the above techniques to get yourself in action.

Want more free techniques and tools dedicated to you living your dream life? CLICK HERE

FREE COACHING

The ultimate guide to getting a YES

The ultimate guide to getting a yesRead this ultimate guide to getting a YES to have people give you want you ask for…

YES…It’s a magic word and it opens doors and makes things possible and easier.

The problem is sometimes people are a big fat NO. You can ask your friends for help. Your boss for a raise. Ask your kids to clean their bedrooms. Your spouse to clean the garage. Even ask that cute person out on a date.

When the answer is NO, it’s disappointing and sometimes you will wonder what is wrong with you.

But – I can tell you what…it’s the way you ask.

(To download our free step by step Yes Getter Formula Guide…click Here…or keep reading!)

You see if you ask most people ask from a self-centric perspective – they need some time for themselves. When they do that the answer will more often than not be NO. But why?

The request is based on something YOU want. And the person being asked is not motivated to say YES, because there is nothing in it for them.

We are all selfish beings and rarely do we do things selflessly for others. (There is always a hidden motivation or payoff even if it seems that there isn’t.)

What about when someone does you a favor expecting nothing in return?
What’s in it for them, is it makes them feel good to help you.

What about when someone donates money to a cause?
Their payoff is they feel good and like to share their own good fortune to make lives of others better. Or maybe it alleviates guilt…or…well you get the idea.

When you ask for a raise from your boss why would she say YES?
She may be afraid you will quit if she says no. (Payoff: Keeping a valued team member)
She might have been thinking about it anyway because you rocked your big project. (Payoff: Likes to reward good work.)
She might remember that her HR department asked her to ensure everyone gets a pay bump to industry standard wages. (Payoff: Wants to be see as a good manager – one that complies with company policy.)

Get a YES 10x more often

But how can you reliably get a yes more often? The formula below is designed to massively increase your chance of getting yes. Done effectively you will get YESes 10x more often than NOs. Here are the steps:

  1. Strategize
    1. Review your relationship with the person being asked – Who are they? What are they dealing with? What problems do they have? What has been your past interactions with them?
    2. Based on 1A, what is the benefit to them to say yes to your request? Spend time on this.
    3. Design the request by considering 1A and 1B, and rehearse it out loud and with another person (if possible).
  2. Make the Request
    1. Get in front of them** – preferably in person – and make the request you designed from Phase 1
    2. Deal with their objections by suggesting solutions. If there are many, don’t push it. Let it go.
    3. If it is a YES, thank them for their time and consideration. IMPORTANT: If it is a NO, thank them for their time and consideration AND ask them if you can check in and re-ask at a later date.
  3. Evaluate and Adjust
    1. Review what you did that worked and what didn’t work. If it was a YES, remember what you did well. If it’s a NO look at 1B again and think about how you would ask next time. Then practice making more requests.
**Note that it is harder to say no to someone when you are looking them in the eye.

Download the ultimate guide to getting a YES:

So what do you think the key strategy is here? If you said 1B then you are right. It’s the secret sauce to making a successful request…WHAT IS THE BENEFIT to them staying YES? Tying that in with something that solves a problem for them from 1A gives it extra jet fuel for a YES.

To make this even easier for you to follow these steps, I’ve designed the ultimate guide to getting a yes to show you exactly what to do and say. Click to grab it below.

Download guide to getting a yes

How to defeat laziness

Are you feeling guilty because you’ve been lazy lately? Are you lacking ambition? Are you lacking motivation to want to do anything but relax , “chill out” or have fun? Want to learn how to defeat laziness?

Or, maybe you’re annoyed at someone because they are being lazy when you’d like them to get in action?

Shifting from being lazy to being productive first requires a choice to do so. And in most cases, getting to that choice requires a simple shift in context, seeing your world in a different light.

Read on to learn what makes people lazy and what to do about it.

How to defeat laziness easily with these simple tips

Reason for laziness#1: You have nothing to get in action over or be excited about in your near future.

Solution: Create something. You are not feeling ambitious because you haven’t chosen what you’d like to achieve.

This is not a fun place to be. When you’re in between choices of what to do in life and which way to go, it creates an environment of unhappiness. And, when you feel crappy you might want to avoid everything by distracting yourself.how to defeat laziness

So, close your eyes and visualize what you desire most in life and in your near future. Mentally see and feel what you want. It’s any easy way to get present to what you desire so you can then decide what you need to do about it.

Ask yourself: What do I want to accomplish in the next year? And then work backwards to decide on what milestones you need to accomplish this week and next month etc, that will get you where you want to go.

Having a burning desire for something and working towards it will pull you into action.

Reason for laziness #2: You’re really bad at doing things when you don’t “feel” like doing them.

Solution: Learn how to defeat laziness by separating your feelings from your commitments and actions.

Learning how to separate what you feel like doing from what you need to do to forward what you want in life is an important skill.  What you feel about action and the actual act of doing are totally separate things. You can still take an action without feeling like it.

It’s a crucial skill to hone because in many times in life when you deeply desire something the work you need to do to take you from where you are to achieving that end goal are a bunch of not-so-fun milestones.

For example, a runner that wants to win a marathon, must train every single day. And there will be days when they don’t want to. But, if they don’t do what they don’t feel like, they’ll never reach the end goal.

Take on a hobby or learn a skill you don’t “feel” like learning and you’ll be able train yourself to be more resilient. You’ll also want to learn quick ways of getting yourself motivated.

Reason for laziness #3: You feel stuck in a situation you can’t control, so you’ve given up.

Solution: Fill your knowledge gap or take a new action

If you ever feel stuck in any area of life you can unstick yourself by taking a new action or by learning what to do. The only reason people get stuck is because they don’t have the knowledge to know what to do, or they haven’t taken an effective action.

Reason for laziness #4: You have been working really hard and you really do need a break. You’ve reached a point of exhaustion.

Solution: Relax. (Like really, relax. Tune out. Get away. Unplug. DO NOTHING!)

If you are the type of person who pushes yourself and is deeply ambitious and you desire massive success, you might have pushed yourself too hard. You might need a break! Allow yourself to have a break! Sometimes being lazy – doing nothing! – is crucial for your mental and physical health.

This is hard for some people even when their body and mind is telling them to take a break.

Reason for laziness #5: You have low or no energy.

Solution: Too much caffeine, sugar, alcohol, and overeating can trigger low energy. You may feel like you have no energy to accomplish anything. You might also go and get a checkup. Low or no energy could be linked to depression. There are some simple solutions to no energy. Read these tips.

________________________________________________________________

Here is the bottom line on how to defeat laziness…Don’t let your feelings run the show. Get in action around what inspires you. Don’t waste your life avoiding, putting off and not doing what you want.

Flipping the switch from lazy to productive is a skill. Train yourself and commit to getting what you want and being in action.

And action you might want to start with is to join Awesome Life Club. It’s an easy part of your success structure (and it’s free!) CLICK HERE.

How to defeat laziness

How to get motivated to do things you need to do but don’t want to do

Are you wondering: How to get motivated to do things you to do but don’t want to do? Don’t wait to get motivated. It won’t happen. That said, there techniques you can use to get inspired when you’re not in the mood. I’ve provided some simple techniques below. But, before we get into it, here’s the other thing you …

Continue reading “How to get motivated to do things you need to do but don’t want to do”

How to defeat laziness

Are you feeling guilty because you’ve been lazy lately? Are you lacking ambition? Are you lacking motivation to want to do anything but relax , “chill out” or have fun? Want to learn how to defeat laziness? Or, maybe you’re annoyed at someone because they are being lazy when you’d like them to get in …

Continue reading “How to defeat laziness”