How to love yourself

I used to wonder if it would ever be possible for me to love myself. In my early twenties I saw this as a place I would never be able to get to. Now, I chuckle as I am reminded of that time. This idea, this struggle of not being able to love myself, I remember it vividly though it’s inconceivable to me now. I’ve done a ton of work on my relationship with myself. A decades worth. It’s ongoing, in fact. And in this post I’ll share some nuggets I’ve learned for anyone who is struggling with how to love yourself.

How to love yourself

How to love yourself 

Loving yourself is not some place to get to, you can flip that switch today. At this very moment. That might tick you off and some of you reading this might want to kick me for saying this (but I’ll tell you how below): Loving yourself is a decision.

It’s a decision you alone can make. It’s a decision you don’t just make once but constantly. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

This is really hard idea to understand, especially when you’re struggling with how to love yourself. So how do you flip the switch?

The first step to a better relationship with you…

Well, first you have to accept the struggle you’re in. Stop asking yourself “why can’t I love myself?” and stop getting caught up in the WHY of it all. Just accept that at this moment, right now, you don’t love yourself.

It’s easy for you to get caught up in trying to figure out why you don’t love yourself and how to get there. But this thinking will only lead you in circles and keep you stuck. So first stop asking why. It’s time to start asking yourself new questions. And commit this to memory: The quality of the questions you ask yourself is equal to the quality of the life you live.

If you ask yourself questions like “why can’t I love myself?” you’ll search for answers. The reason you come up with will only validate the struggle. It will stop you from changing the way you think and feel and how you treat yourself in future. So notice the why questions that you’re asking yourself that are negative and don’t work. Now, fill that space with a new question, like….

How can I learn to love myself?

How can I be kind to myself today?

What can I do – one simple action today – to change the way I feel about myself?

What qualities do I love and appreciate about myself?

These are better questions and they’ll help you to shift how you feel. And remember, you have to be willing to let the love in. Start small. Think of one quality you love about yourself and let that be your focus.

When you internally ask why questions, most of the time you’ll stay caught up in the past. That’ll never serve you to move forward. The why doesn’t matter. The what’s next does.

The only one who suffers from not loving yourself is you. And this negativity will permeate into all areas of your life and all the choices you make. You’ll choose partners that aren’t good for you or don’t treat you well. Your career will reflect the worth you give yourself and that will expand into the areas of finance and your lifestyle. It’s all connected.

Accept the way you feel and give yourself a moment to feel it

When you’re in a space of struggling and wondering how to love yourself. The best thing to do is stop everything and go be by yourself somewhere. Get quiet. Feel how you feel. Give yourself five or ten minutes to feel the negative emotions you have for yourself. If you’re mad about something you did in the past, allow yourself to feel the anger you have for yourself. If you hate you’re body, allow yourself a few moment to feel really sad, frustrated about your body.

Emotions are like the knots of tension you can get in your physical body. When you put pressure on a muscle from physically working it, the build up of lactic acid will cause an uncomfortable knot to occur. To release the knot you have to put pressure on it. You have to push into the knot for the tension to release. It’s the same with emotions. Feel them. Don’t suppress or avoid them, you have to feel them and then they dissolve. Your negative thoughts will literally weaken and dissolve.

So, right now, if you’re reading this and you’re feeling negatively towards yourself, take a moment to close your eyes. Take yourself back to a moment that triggers your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. It’s surprisingly a very calming and therapeutic experience to go through.

Fill the space with something positive, something new

After you feel and release the emotional tension, think of one thing you’re grateful for. Something simple. It could be your heart, a tree outside, the home you live in, or a person you love. Feel how grateful you are.

Then, when you’re feeling positive, think of one wonderful trait about yourself or a great thing you’ve accomplished in your life. Follow this with scheduling one nice thing you could do for yourself today. One small action that would help you to feel good about yourself.

Make this a ritual

Loving yourself involves training. If you’ve spent years having negative thoughts about yourself, it’s going to take a while for your relationship with you to change. So anytime you feel mad, sad, frustrated, angry at yourself or about yourself, stop and allow yourself to feel your negative emotions. Follow this with a thought of gratitude and recognize something great about yourself. Then, take one action that day to love yourself. Consider this your new regular – perhaps daily – ritual.

Any mindset shift requires emotional leverage

Even though you want to change, you’ll continue to be and think negatively about yourself until you get the impacts it’s causing on your life and behavior. If you really want to make a shift, if you really want to start loving yourself more, you need to really get what you’ve been missing out on by allowing yourself to think this way about yourself.

The best way to do this, is to take some time to write out a list of the all the impacts of you thinking this way. What are the impacts on you and your life? If you don’t love yourself, what are the impacts on other people? What are the impacts in your relationships? What are the global impacts? Seriously, what are the impacts on the world.

Whether you believe that there are impacts on the world at large, there are. Every person on this planet has a gift to give. Are you contributing your gifts? Are you making a difference? Are you leaving this world better than the one you came into?

Hating yourself is like a doubled-edged sword. Whatever you think internally expresses itself externally. If you don’t love yourself it’ll be all over your life and the results you can produce.

You really want to get this. Getting the impacts will help you realize that you have to put in the effort to change. When you get the impacts the choice to love yourself becomes easy and critical.

What to do when you really can’t think anything positive about yourself

Find someone to hold you bigger than you hold yourself. Find someone to love you. Find someone to treat you well. A sibling. A friend. A parent. A relative. A colleague. A coach. A therapist. Find someone who will hold you to your greatness. Find someone to love and acknowledge you and who will tell you your great.

Then, it’s your job to listen.

And it’ll probably take you a long time to let the love in. But just keep trying.

I know this from experience. In my early twenties, I am grateful to have had a mentor that took me under his wing. He said to me: “you’re a beautiful gift to the world”. Every time he said it, it felt ridiculous to me. It felt wrong. I didn’t believe it. But the more he told this too me, the more I start to let this idea come into my own head.

Overtime, things shifted and I started to care more for myself. I started to treat myself kindly. I started to see how my negative chatter didn’t work. We all need other people to see us bigger than we see ourselves. Sometimes we need it more.

So find someone to hold you big until you can hold yourself.

One thing you can do today to start loving yourself more today…

Set a timer on your mobile device or computer. When it goes off acknowledge one great thing about yourself. Pat yourself on the back daily for something good you’ve done or a trait you love about yourself. Remind yourself to do this, until it becomes natural.

And don’t forget…loving yourself is a double edged sword. Put the love in and it’ll flow out. Your life will expand from simply loving yourself a little more each day.

How to keep going when times are tough

Visionaries, leaders and entrepreneurs often talk about the importance of being perseverant. It’s that quality that allows you to keep going when you’re in pursuit of your greatest dreams and times get tough. Many say it’s the antidote that separates the winners from the rest. But, how do you keep going when every fiber of you wants to quit sometimes? So, what do you need to keep being persist and  keep going after you’ve suffered a major failure, setback or roadblock? How to keep going when times are tough is about learning how to control your thoughts and attitude when you want to quit though your heart tells you have to keep going…

9 Tips for how to persevere so you can keep going 

1. Shift how you feel by doing something physical

When times are tough it’s easy to feel hopeless, lost, angry or sad. It’s easy to feel one or more negative emotions. And being in a negative emotional funk will not help you get in action. Being negative won’t help you move forward. So the first thing to do is go to work on YOU.

You can change how you feel with velocity (sometimes in a little time as what it takes to snap your fingers!). The fastest way to feel more powerful and to put yourself into a “I can conquer all” mindset is to get moving. Physically move and engage your body.

Go for a run. Take a cold shower. Jump up and down on a trampoline. Go lift some weights. Shake your booty or dance. Send a surge of energy through your body by moving it. It’s the fastest way to get yourself in a better mood and state of mind. Even simply doing reps of breathing, pulling your hands from the sky towards your body while you take strong breaths will help you feel better.

A secondary mood shifting technique is to use your innate powers for daydreaming. Close your eyes and daydream.Think about a time when you felt happy and really see yourself there. Think about a time or something in your life that you’re grateful for. Then, see yourself in the future achieving what you’re working towards now. See yourself winning and when you do (if there is no one around) shout “yes!”.

The more you get into your daydream (do your best to feel like you’re really there) the more you’ll feel awesome. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between actually doing something and visualizing doing something. It’s like a virtual reality trip you can take from anywhere at anytime to feel anything whenever you want.

2. Remind yourself of WHY you want to keep going

Let’s say you’re an entrepreneur and you’re on a mission to have your business be a global success. You’ve spent years working on your brand, your website, your products. You have an incredible brand but it’s not getting seen by enough people.

And so, you find yourself in a period of frustration. You become a walking cloud of doubt. In your heart, you believe in your company, but you are starting to think “maybe I should quit?”, “maybe this isn’t meant to be”. You feel lost and stuck.  These are signs you’re in the thick of a tough time.

At this point it’s critical you remind yourself WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. Keep your whys close always but especially when times gets tough. There is never one reason why  so make an exhaustive list. Keep asking yourself until you run out of reasons. It might look something like this:

My whys to keep forging ahead with this business and make it a success…

  • I want to make a global difference in my field
  • I want to love what I do every day
  • I NEVER want to work for anyone again. 
  • I want every person in this world to have the tools they need to live the life of their dreams and my business will support them.
  • I want to experience what it’s like to be a multi-millionaire and be financially free 
  • I want to build my dream home one day and live their with my beautiful family
  • I want to teach my kids how to build successful businesses
  • I want to be asked to be a keynote speaker
  • I want to experience speaking in front of thousands of people
  • I have to keep going. There is no other way. Making this business work is like breathing. 
  • I want others to see that their dreams are possible.

3. Zoom out then hyper zoom in

Once you’ve reminded yourself of what you want and why you want it you’ve done the work to globally zoom out to the bigger picture of your mission. After that, shift your focus and hyper zoom in to one task.

Choose ONE basic task you need to complete and throw yourself into it. Block out all distractions. Do your best to throw all your attention on that task. Completing that task will get you out of feeling hopeless and back into action mode.

Action produces results. Action also creates traction when you’re stuck. Action causes momentum. You’ll often find you are ready and feeling better to take the next action.

4. Just do it – Take action even when you don’t feel like it 

At any point you find yourself wondering: “how do I get myself motivated to get in action?” you’re killing your productivity potential. You are majorly slowing down your progress! You’re making a mistake that a lot of people make. You’ve collapsed action with emotion. Theses two don’t need to be aligned.

Think about it… have you ever done something that was good for you but that you didn’t necessarily feel like doing. Have you ever gotten out of bed when you didn’t want to? No way! You mean, you  put two feet on the floor even when you didn’t feel like it? You’ve also likely gone to work when you didn’t feel like it.

The thing to get is, you can feel hopeless and still take an action that would forward your life in the direction you want it to go. You don’t need to feel inspired. And, you don’t need to feel happy. You don’t even need to feel any positive emotion that would motivate you. Take action anyway.

This is the biggest ingredient of the whole perseverance puzzle. Winners just keep going even when they don’t feel like it but know it’s good for them. So keep going

5. Seek inspiration from winners who’ve failed and persevered

If you really want some motivation a great way to get it easily is by reading or watching a biography. Hearing the stories of people who have gone through what you’re going through and triumphed can give you a boost.

6. Stay in your lane

Focus on your journey, your goal, and nobody else’s. Do your best to put your blinders on and hunker down. Look ahead to your future. Forget what other people are doing or saying.

7. Go get some love from another human being

Go hug someone you love. Talk to a friend on the phone. Recreationally complain if you need to. Go to a public area and be with people. Book yourself in for a massage. The touch of another human is magically relaxing. It’ll help you ease the fears, the stress, the struggle you’re feeling. You’ll quickly learn you are not alone.

8. Applaud the small victories

Take stock of what you’ve done. Notice even the smallest of victories. Celebrate them. They are a big deal.

9. Perseverance conditioning

If you really want to hone your ability and learn how to keep going when times are tough, condition yourself to do things that are mentally and physically challenging on a regular basis. You’ll train yourself to be unstoppable in the face of the circumstances and obstacles that come your way.

Whatever source story you believe in, this is the perfect time to remind yourself that the Universe has a plan for you. You’re life is unfolding the way it should. The hardships you’re going through now will make you stronger and wiser. Keep going when the times are tough and soon you’ll be able to look back and be thankful you did.

Life could be a dream if you let it

There’s a famous song from the 1950s called Sh-Boom by The Chords (and also recorded by The Crew Cuts) and it goes:

Life could be a dream, if only all my precious plans would come true

These lyrics paint a picture of how many people think about their dreams. If only they would suddenly come true. If only my dream life would drop out of the sky one day! If you’re serious about living your dream life this type of mindset won’t help you get what you want. Being intentional and taking action will.

The unfortunate truth about most people’s dreams

Most people are not living their dream life. And this is statistically true. There are many reasons for this. Most people are surrounded by people who have given up on their dreams. And many people live in an environment that doesn’t command their greatness. And they give up when the pathway to achieving what they want isn’t clear.

But, you really CAN have what you want. (Isn’t that what life’s all about anyways?) Life could be a dream if you let it. You never have to settle.

There is a”secret sauce”, a recipe for getting what you want.  It’s simple too. But it takes getting out of your own way and trusting the process.

Life could be a dream if you let it

Life could be a dream if you let it: A five step process to getting what you 

Step 1: Decide what you want. Be clear and specific on what it is and why you want it

As simple as it sounds the first step is to decide what you want. Most people think about things in life they’d like to accomplish without getting specific about it. They think about what they want when they daydream, when their mind wanders. And, they think about achieving things in “one day, some day” timeframes. They don’t get serious about it with themselves.

So, decide what it is you want. This may take exploring your options. What do you want your dream life to look like? Then, once you’ve done enough researching and considering, commit to an idea.

Committing to an idea doesn’t mean it needs to stick forever. Ideas evolve. Dreams evolve. For instance, perhaps you have a dream home you’d like to one day own in Florida. Then one day after you travel to California you decide you’d rather have your dream home be built there.

Dreams and plans can change. You’re the creator after all, but start somewhere. Decide to go after something in one area of your life today. Be specific, down to the last detail about what you want. When you are specific it helps you measure your progress.

You’ll also need to consider a measurable timeframe for when you could achieve what you want.

Step 2: Chart a course between where you are now and where you want

Once you know in specific terms what you want and how long it will likely take you to get it, it’s easy to plan the most logical actions. Start small. It’s about incremental progress. Be resourceful. What programs/people can you tap into that you already know exist and are around you? If you don’t know where to start where can you go find out (ahem, Google might be a good place to start)

Step 3: Take action

The next thing to do is take action. This is the hardest step for most people. Why? Because people are creatures of habit. We get used to ways of doing things and we have trouble breaking out of the box. Second, we let fear overcome us. Doing things differently can be scary.

How do you overcome biological tendencies for fear and your habitual nature? Become the master of them by learning how you operate. This’ll give you control over the mental barriers that take you out.

Step 4: Evaluate and recalibrate

When you start taking actions you’ll start producing results. The results you produce – good or bad – are a feedback mechanism for your progress in relation to what you want. Sometimes you take an action and learn you have to steer your ship in a completely new direction. Sometimes you validate that you’re on the right track. Pay attention to what you do. Be intentional. Be strategic and you’ll get what you want faster.

Step 5: Just keep going

Persistence! When you haven’t gotten what you want, keep going. Keep going till you get it. No matter how stupid you feel. No matter how alone you feel. Keep going! You’ll get there. Be patient and persistent.

So with that, here are the lyrics of the song called “Sh-boom” and famously known by its famous lyric as Life Could Be a Dream:

Life Could Be a Dream Lyrics – “Sh-Boom”

Life could be a dream, life could be a dream
Do, do, do, do, sh-boom

Life could be a dream (sh-boom)
If I could take you up in paradise up above (sh-boom)
If you would tell me I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream, sweetheart
Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again

Bom ba,
Hey nonny ding dong, alang alang alanga
Oh oh oh oh dip, a dibby dobby dip

Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)
If only all my precious plans would come true (sh-boom)
If you would let me spend my whole life lovin' you (sh-boom)
Life could be a dream, sweetheart (do do do do sh-boom)

Every time I look at you
Something's on my mind
If you do what I want you to
Baby, we'd be so fine!

Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)
If I could take you up in paradise up above (sh-boom)
And tell me darling I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream, sweetheart
Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again

Bom ba,
Hey nonny ding dong, alanga langala langala langala
Oh oh dip, a dibby dobby dip
Oh, life could be a dream, life could be a dream sweetheart

Do do do do sh-boom
Do do do do sh-boom
Do do do do sh-boom
Do do do do sh-boom
Za be ba da
Dip da de da dip ba di
Woah oh
Zo be ba be be ba bi
Woah
Zo be ba be be ba

Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)
If I could take you up in paradise up above (sh-boom)
And tell me darling I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream, sweetheart
Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again

Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)
If I could take you up in paradise up above (sh-boom)
And tell me darling I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream, sweetheart
Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again

Bom ba
Hey nonny ding dong, alangala langala langala langala (sh-boom)
Oh oh dip a dibby dobby dip
Life could be a dream
Life could be a dream
Do do do do sh-boom

Other versions of Sh-Boom – Life could be a dream

Here are the bands that recorded Sh-Boom (Life could be a dream):

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How to fail at almost everything and still win big

Most people don’t want to fail. That’s because society conditions us to see failure as bad and something to avoid. This is not the case. Failure is not bad. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good either.

I’m certainly not urging you to go fail. But what I am urging you to do is be realistic. You can’t avoid failure.

Failure is inevitable. You can’t escape it. Think of it more as a law you can’t dispute, like gravity. Or like the wind or rain. Failure happens even if you try and avoid it there are so many variables in life you can’t control.

When you think of failure as good or bad this is the subjective filter you your circumstances through. So you decide what you want failure to mean and how you want to relate to it.

How to fail at almost everything and still win big

You can’t avoid failure, and you shouldn’t try. This doesn’t mean you should take giant risks. You still want to try and mitigate major failures, because anytime you fail in a massive way, your brain captures the moment, stores it and will do everything in its power to have you not suffer the experience again.

So, here are my five rules for how to fail at almost everything and still win big…

how to fail at almost everything and still win big

Rule #1: Fail small

You want to fail small. Focus on incremental progress. The actions you take in pursuit of the major goals you’re out to achieve in life should be at the edge of what’s comfortable for you. Think: Expansion. Think: Growth.

Small failures won’t stop you. In many cases they will propel you forward into the next action. This is because if you’re willing to assess and learn from your failures, and the insights you gain from them, you will get closer to success. You start to see what to do from learning what not to do.

Which, brings me to my next rule for failing like a master…

Rule #2: Use every failure as a learning opportunity

Reshape your entire context of failure so you view it as a feedback mechanism to your progress. When you fail, all there is to do is look at what led to the failure. Then estimate what you need to succeed, and put that in for next time.

When you fail, you want to stop and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What outcome did I not achieve that I wanted to?
  2. Why? What action or structure was I missing? Speculate.
  3. What am I putting in place to improve the outcome next time.
  4. What valuable learning can I celebrate from this failure?

Sometimes a failure means you’re going the wrong way and you need to change your entire strategy. Sometimes a failure means you need to learn something new.

A failure can mean you’re very close and now you know the last thing you need to do to win.

When you look at failure as a way to assess your progress, you can look at what action led to the failure, and what you can do to improve as you continue to pursue your goal.

Rule #3: Depersonalize your failure

When you fail, step back and evaluate the circumstances. Take yourself out of the equation for a moment and look at the actions that led to the failure.

One of the biggest errors most people make when they fail at something is they personalize their failure with thoughts and language such as: “I failed”. Instead, focus on the failure as being a breakdown around the actions you took. You didn’t fail, an action you took failed. Sometimes it can be that you failed to insert a specific action.

For instance, let’s say you were in a long term relationship with someone you invested years with and considered marrying. One day the other person ends the relationship. You start to lament and think about all the things you did wrong and how you are a failure in relationships. You start to personalize the situation.

Instead of making the failure about you, depersonalize it. Look at the facts. What failed was the relationship, not you. And maybe you encouraged the relationship to fail, but it’s only because there were actions you took (or failed to take) that led to the breakdown. Your actions caused the failure, not you.

If you are having trouble wrapping your head around this, it helps to think of a baby learning to walk. If that baby stumbles and falls, is that baby a failure? No. The baby failed to walk. The baby isn’t an entire failure. It’s learning to achieve a complex task that it has never done before. You’re no different.

Rule#4: Bring empathy to the situation

Most people are really hard on themselves. I’ve learned this from coaching hundreds of people, and from listening to my own mental chatter. And this usually gets worse when we fail.

If you get mad at yourself when you fail it helps to remember to bring empathy to the situation. I learned this from the Dalai Lama.

When you start blaming and getting angry at yourself, step back and take a moment to relate to your situations with love, with kindness with self-compassion. Looking at yourself as a baby. A baby can do no wrong. Self kindness gives you energy strength and the will to keep going.

Healing comes through forgiving yourself, and being kind to yourself. Seeing what you did as something not to repeat. Or something to learn and grow from.

Negative self talk and blaming yourself is a choice. It’s something you need to train out of yourself. When you fail, go be by yourself, get quiet, love yourself.

Rule #5: Write a failure story

For cataclysmic failures you have trouble overcoming, use this trick I learned from Robert Steven Kaplan. He’s the former Senior Associate Dean and Professor of Management Practice at Harvard Business School, and currently the president and CEO of the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas.

When you have trouble getting over a failure write a failure story. Here is how: Write a short story about your failure that gets all your thoughts out on paper. Write about why you suck, why you’re a failure, and use intense emotions when you write it. Then, read the story to someone out loud. Eventually, as you read it, it becomes silly to you. It loses the emotional weight. (This might take a couple of repeated readings out loud.)

You will start to pull your emotions out of the failure, and see it as just a silly thing you can overcome.

I recommend doing this only when you have a lot of trouble overcoming a failure. You know, one that gnaws at you, and that you can’t let go.

Remember: A failure is only a failure if you see it as one. Let me repeat that: A failure is only a failure if you see it as one.

Your life is just a series of events. You’re born you take actions. The actions you take produce certain results and then get you closer or farther from where you want to go.

This thing called “failure” is a concept you were conditioned to believe in. In the world we live in, there’s an agreement of what success looks like. What’s not that is failure. So failure is really a belief you have about something that’s happened. And beliefs can be changed.

How to believe in yourself

Some people are better than others at believing in themselves. But we all have moments where we think: “I can’t do this”, or, “what I want is not for me”.

Believing in yourself is the first step in changing anything in your life. It’s a necessary component for success.

Ultimately, your belief in you is what dictates what you have and who you become in life.

So, here is what you need to know about belief so you can believe in yourself and get back to believing in yourself in moments where you lose it.

How to believe in yourself

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Somewhere in you’re past you learned that you weren’t good enough. It’s something we all learn. We go from thinking we are invisible to having an instance or instances where we get we’re not perfect.

Knowing this is what has us doubt ourselves and our ability. Some people do this more than others.

It’s important you train yourself to recognize how awesome you are. It’ll dictate what you accomplish in life and who you are with other people. When you believe in yourself you become ultra powerful, regardless of the noise that sometimes goes on in your head.

When you don’t believe in yourself, you’ll waiver on making choices because you’re not settled in who you are. If you continue to live like this you will never get the vastness of your greatness.

You need to focus on loving yourself. Sounds cheesy perhaps, but if you learn to love yourself you will start to get really clear on everything in life. Believing in yourself will become easy.

Here’s how to build your “I believe in myself” muscle:

  1. Create an Awesome You list. Develop a list of all the qualities you have that you love about yourself and moments where you’ve accomplished things in the past you are proud of. Provide evidence of your greatness. Every day you need to read your list. Use it especially when you aren’t feeling confident. This might help you: Gain confident on demand
  2. Mirror work. It’s uncomfortable but it’s the most effective way to become better with you. Spend 5 minutes in the morning looking at yourself in the mirror and speaking to yourself. Tell yourself you are awesome. Get to know the person in the mirror. Get to love them. It’s tough but if you’re willing to conquer your initial feelings about the process, you’ll soon learn that this is one of the most effective ways of getting you to a more confident place. It will also translate to massive results in all area of your life. Basically, when you are really good with you and love yourself, life works.
  3. Stop putting yourself down when you make a choice on something and it doesn’t play out as you intended. Stop relating to yourself as “good” or “bad”.  Instead, start looking at everything you do as effective or ineffective. When you take an action that is ineffective consider why it didn’t work and develop a structure moving forward to avoid this in future. There’s no such thing as failure. You’re not bad. Whatever action you took didn’t work. It’s important you stop combining the two.

Sometimes you need to tell the negative voice in your head to “shut-up”. Really. When your thoughts don’t serve you say to yourself “thanks for sharing” and move on.

And this goes for everyone: stop being so damn hard on yourself! You’re awesome. You’re human and not perfect. We’re all works in progress at different stages.

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