feeling fat and ugly

What to do when your weight gets in the way you being you

What to do if you are feeling fat and ugly

feeling fat and uglyHave you had this experience? All is great with life then one day you start to feel a bit heavier. Your clothes aren’t quite fitting like they used to. But you look at yourself and decide you still look fine. Days and weeks go by of you having this experience, feeling a bit heavier but not denying the little belly you’re growing. Then, one day you go step on the scale. You are 15 lbs heavier than you’d like to be. Crap! You are feeling fat and ugly.

You start thinking about what you need to do to lose the excess weight that seemed to come out of nowhere. Your thoughts start to annoy you. You tell yourself you suck because you let yourself gain the extra weight. Ugh! Nothing is fitting like it used to. You’ve been wearing more black than usual.

You feel like crap and you’re noticing it’s getting in the way of your life. You don’t feel like you. And that voice in your head is getting louder: I’m feeling fat and ugly. I’m feeling fat and ugly. Ugh. It is destroying your self confidence.

And even if you’re taking actions to lose the weight, that takes time. So how can you feel good about being in a body you don’t particularly love and feel comfortable in?

You are not your body

1. Get that you are not your body. Most people have a tendency to collapse these two things.  There’s you and there is your body. YOU ARE NOT YOUR BODY.  So, your overweight body doesn’t need to get in the way of who you are and what you’d like to do.

There is something you need to think about and understand, like a rule of the universe. Like gravity. You are not your body. You need to remind yourself of this when your body is getting in the way of your life.

2. You need to respect and celebrate the body you don’t like. A lot of people refuse to buy nice new clothes until they lose the weight. Big mistake. Why wait months to look better to dress nicely and feel good?  You need to accept where you are and go out and buy some gorgeous new bigger clothes. This will help you feel great about your current body so it doesn’t get in the way of your life. It’s amazing what bigger, sexy clothes can do to make you feel good.

3. Take action!  If you’re not happy about your body, but you’re not doing anything about it then I have no pity for you, and no one else does either. Learn to be unstoppable about getting what you want. This includes the shape you want for body. And if it’s not about your weight, but you hate something else, like your nose or breasts, what are you doing about it? You don’t have to go crazy. Small, rituals lead to big results. Start walking. Eat the foods you like, but replace sugar and find natural foods to incorporate. Taking action around anything that doesn’t work in your life will immediately give you power.

And so, are you currently dealing with feeling fat and ugly? Try the tactics above and tell me what you think.

How my dog transformed me

Dogs are brilliant teachers if you’re willing to listen to their lessons

Life teaches us lessons at every turn and even in surprising moments. Today (Aug. 26) is National Dog Day and it’s no exception. So it’s a good day to share with you how my dog transformed me.

As a life coach I’m used to training other people, but some of the biggest lessons come from my own life. This is the the story about a badly behaved dog and how I learned to love her…

Two years ago, my husband wanted a dog for Christmas. He whined and complained like a two year old about it for weeks. So while we had just moved into a new house and had a young baby, I gave in.

I searched for an entire month and found the perfect dog for our family. His name is Lt. General Battles and he is 120 lbs of love. He’s a gentle giant. He is sweet well-trained and quite a genius. We love him and have never met anyone who doesn’t. He’s a rockstar of a dog.

Lt. General Battles and I

Lt. General Battles and I enjoying each other’s company in the dog park near our home.

The day we picked up Battles from the humane society we saw a sad hound mix lying sadly in a cage next to him. Our heart ached for her and we couldn’t leave her. So, we adopted two dogs that day, Battles and Gracie.

I’ve loved Battles from day one. To me, he is perfect.

Gracie, well, she’s a bit of nutcase. She doesn’t listen, she has accidents in the house from time to time, she tears up our furniture. Gracie is a nervous wreck. And we’ve tried many things to help the poor thing to no avail.

Gracie the hound mix.

Gracie the hound mix.

I’d like to love her like I love Battles, but man, this dog makes it really hard.

How my dog transformed me

Then, the other night something happened that was transformational for me and for my relationship with her. I looked at Gracie and had the following series of thoughts…

Geez Gracie, why do you have to be such a dumbass? You make it so hard for me to love you. I’d like to, but you’re such an idiot. 

Well, she’s not really an idiot, she’s just a dog.

And, she’s been through a lot of hurt. In her past, people were really mean to her. 

It makes sense that she’s fearful and nervous and has accidents. It makes sense that she has trouble being loving with people. 

Poor thing.

Wow, she kind of reminds me of me.

I was hurt in the past by people when I was a kid. And while I’ve gotten over it, I still have trouble sometimes. I can still be stingy with my love for other people. Sometimes I avoid getting too close to others out of a fear of being hurt by them. 

And, I thought to myself:

I’ve been stingy loving her because she’s not perfect. It’s the same thing I’ve gotten mad at people in my past for doing to me.

I haven’t given her the unconditional love she deserves. So she’s not perfect. Battles really isn’t either. No one is perfect. No dog. No human.

What if I just loved her and loved everyone regardless of what they do or don’t do. Love Gracie and others unconditionally like I love my young son. It’s like people need to meet certain “measures” to gain my love. 

If I’m doing it to my dog, who else am I doing this to?

How I transformed my dog

From that moment, I committed to shifting this in myself.  A good life coach is always looking at what’s missing. I’ve decided to make an effort to be loving with Gracie and with people in my life. To make an effort to be compassionate and kinder with strangers, even.

Since this revelation, Gracie and I have connected. She comes to me for pets and attention. She never did that before. The other night I let her up on couch even and we cuddled.

I know that as I continue to make progress with her I’ll give her a real chance to understand that humans are really loving and not to be feared, that she doesn’t need to be nervous. I also give myself a chance to open up my heart more with not just her but other people.

What is your dog trying to teach you?

And so, since it’s National Dog Day, here is the takeaway: There is so much to learn in every moment of life, including from our dogs.

What is your dog trying to teach you?

Perhaps, it’s to relax and take it easy. Maybe it’s to have more fun. Or, maybe it’s to open your heart and love unconditionally.

Today take a moment to ponder: What is your dog trying to teach you? And see what the answer is!

And, if you haven’t already, join the coolest free club on the web dedicated to your greatest: Join Awesome Life Club.

How to get happy quickly: Be grateful

How to get happy: Be grateful

If you think negatively about life or yourself, from time to time, it is ok. It is simply part of being human. Unfortunately, no one has ever figured out how to be perpetually happy. Though most of us would like to learn how to get happy and stay happy permanently.

The truth is being upset or depressed is a survival mechanism that your brain uses to tell you to take an action that moves you from pain to pleasure. It is the brain’s job. So, it helps to learn how to break away from negative thoughts and to think more positively.Happy Young Woman Sitting In Yoga Position

A strategy that helps set negative self talk aside is the practice of being gracious. What helps is conjuring up feelings of gratitude towards people, situations or objects. That is because either a) you temporarily setting aside your negative thoughts, or, b) you completely shift your context of your current situation.

The benefits of grateful thinking

Your brain on gratitude

Your brain is that it can only think one thought in one given moment of time.  Even though it may feel as though you have many thoughts reeling through your mind at the same time.  When you ponder positive stimuli no attention is allotted for negative thoughts.

Being grateful is a positive mind state. And when you focus your awareness on a memory, person, or object that you are grateful for, your brain activates blood flow in brain regions that increase production of a crucial “happy” brain chemical called dopamine. This quick release sends your body a quick flood of feeling good emotions.

In 2009, the National Institutes of Health examined brains of subjects thinking thoughts of gratitude. They had higher levels of hypothalamic activity and increased dopamine levels.

How to be grateful

Many experts suggest keeping a gratitude journal and logging what you are grateful for each day to help you cultivate this type of positive thinking, so it comes more naturally. This can be a useful practice.  A study from UC Davis (2003) reported that adults who keep gratitude journals are more determined, attentive, enthusiastic and have higher energy levels than those who don’t.

But, learning how to get happy by being grateful doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s as simple as thinking about a memory, person, or object for as little as five minutes a day. Follow these quick steps when you feel negative or catch yourself putting yourself down:

Here is how to get happy:

Step 1: Stop all activities.

Step 2: Do whatever you need to, to take a five or ten minute “time-out”. You may need to close your eyes. You may need to physically leave your environment.

Step 3: Inhale and exhale deeply while you think about a memory, a person, or an object, that you feel blessed to have in your life.  **If it helps to look at a physical object, like a picture, you can use that, as an aid**

Follow these three steps whenever you need to or want to.  The more you do it the more you will help your brain stimulate the release of dopamine.  This is good news, because when dopamine is released in the brain your brain responds by saying “I want more”. It’s the same chemical that’s produced when alcohol is ingested, which is also how addictions occur. But this is a very healthy addiction to cultivate.

And if you’re in such a bad mood you can’t think of anything to be grateful for, refer to this quick list:

  • Recall a moment in your life where you accomplished something you are proud of
  • Think about the birth of your child or children
  • Replay memories of your first kiss or your first love
  • Remember the day you married your significant other
  • Be grateful to be in a body that works
  • Think of a moment where someone made a difference in your life
  • Smile and think of a pet that you love

To be grateful ist acknowledge the incredible life you lead and have led. It’s an incredible way to get happy on-demand. Start the practice  today and see what difference it makes.